On this week’s episode of Black Love, the couples share their experiences with picking their battles. Like previous episodes, this show spoke to the beauty and beast within my soul. It is a deft illustration of the dichotomy between heaven and hell — undeniable proof that marriage ain’t for wimps.
When Devale spoke about the fight they had right before the cameras arrived, I had to smile and shake my head. Countless times, my hubby and I have been fussing one minute and flashing smiles the next. I know he resists the urge to choke me at times, and the feeling is mutual. But as Devale surmises, we “suppress all of that for the sake of marriage, that right there is the epitome of marriage!” Echoing her hubby, Khadeen shared a lesson I’m learning about my own marriage. “Perseverance, that’s Black Love.”
My homie-lover-friend and I have been married for 16 years. Keeping peace in my marriage when the devil is dishing out dissension is an art I continue to perfect. I try to check myself and exercise maturity. Some days I succeed, others, I have to dust my pride off and try again. I have become well versed at saying, “Let’s agree to disagree.” Or better yet, I shut my mouth and let him win a round of Mars vs. Venus.
Keeping your petty in check –– lesson number 1: Small issues can blow up into big issues when you major in minors.
Yet, my husband manages to send Petty Labelle packing when he models humility by loving me when I’m acting unlovable. He’s taught me about sacrifice. He’s taught me about patience, and he’s shown me kindness despite anger. Through my growing pains, I’ve learned to be purposeful about nurturing my marriage. I try to deposit more positivity than negativity because I know he’s my soulmate. He’s the yin to my yang.
I waved my hand at the screen as the couples in Black Love spoke about what helps them through their disputes. Khadeen referencing the importance of transparency via honest communication is key. When you’re, as Grant Hill said, “coexisting” and seeing someone every day, it’s hard to sustain the silent treatment. I’m grateful that my hubby and I are friends because that always leads us back to some form of interaction that reminds me of the indomitable love we share.
Rev. Run reveals the crux of this episode,
“Do you want the relationship more, or you do you want to be right more? … The key is, just letting things go.”
When picking battles in my marriage, I have to remember: we’ll win the war if we fight the threats to our relationship, not each other. With no question, I want my black love to thrive, so Petty LaBelle has to work on a new attitude
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