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Dating Apps and COVID-19
by Sadé Sellers
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October 21, 2020

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Dating Apps and COVID-19

Sadé Sellers (Photo courtesy of Sadé Sellers)
Sadé Sellers (Photo courtesy of Sadé Sellers)

So what do you do when you’re a 30-year-old single Black woman looking for forever in the middle of an endless pandemic? You take your talents online.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a millennial, which means I’ve been on my fair share of dating apps, including the usual suspects such as Tinder and Bumble (my current choice). However, before Governor Newsome enacted California’s “Shelter in Place” order last month, my online dating experience was more of an occasional dabble. I would log on, peruse the stacks of handsome and seemingly normal male homo sapiens in my area, and promptly log back out.  Between my job, family and friends, there really wasn’t much time to tend to the messages. Then the world shut down. Suddenly, not only did I have the time, but I actually yearned for human contact. A rarity for an introvert like me. I decided I would give the apps another go around, more hopeful that I could actually find a mate because, well, we can’t leave the house. This means people actually have to have conversations. Pick up the phone. Make an effort. Well…kinda.

Suddenly, not only did I have the time, but I actually yearned for human contact. A rarity for an introvert like me.

The first week or so of responding to messages, I managed to book three “dates” (online) in a single evening. Each courter would have an hour to chat. I made sure the top half of me was put together, while the bottom half remained in sweats. I poured myself a glass of wine to relax, and you know what? It wasn’t so bad!

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I enjoyed the ability to date without the pressure of leaving my house and wasting gas or Uber money on a mediocre evening. After each date, I simply just shut my computer off. That’s it. No driving home, paying for parking, or awkward bill split conversation. If this is what dating during a pandemic would be like then, I was going to be alright! Except, men are still men and that cute virtual date request didn’t last very long.

Woman on phone (Courtesy of rawpixel.com)
Courtesy of rawpixel.com

I enjoyed the ability to date without the pressure of leaving my house and wasting gas or Uber money on a mediocre evening.

Cut to day 30 plus of quarantine and the boys are struggling! No one seems interested in talking anymore, and we’re right back to booty calls. When I tell these gentlemen callers that I am not leaving the house, nor am I allowing anyone inside my house, they quickly turn on me. I’ve been called everything from a ‘liberal conspiracist’ to a ‘scary bitch’. Charming isn’t it? Not that this didn’t happen before COVID-19. It most definitely did. It comes with the territory of being a woman. I’m used to it. But this time it’s been really perplexing because…why are you men so eager to get sick? My go-to introductory line has been, “Wanna hang out in four months?” Which is quickly reciprocated with, “Why wait?!” Why, Devon? Because COVID-19. That’s why.

Cut to day 30 plus of quarantine and the boys are struggling! 

Woman on phone (Courtesy of pexels.com)
Courtesy of pexels.com

So, while the virtual dates have stalled (I’ve been focusing on my writing anyway) I have discovered that I am much more assertive in regards to the amount of disrespect I will accept through online dating during a pandemic — which for the record is zero. This may be a result of getting older (I turned 30 last year) but I also think it’s because I know I have nothing to fear, since I literally cannot leave my house, so, no chance of running into one of them. For example, I matched with a very handsome man (child) who kept referring to me as a ‘piece of chocolate pie (yes he was) which pissed me off to no end. I deleted him from my matches. Ain’t nobody got time for that, especially during a pandemic. You see, Black women and Asian men are statistically the least desired groups on dating sites. So, when I finally match with someone only to be met with stereotypes and crude propositions…it’s disheartening. How can I find my forever, if it’s taking forever?

My advice for a Black woman venturing out into online dating during a pandemic is this: stay away from the booty calls, trust your gut, and don’t laugh off the disrespectful comments, even if they try to convince you they were just “joking.” Life is short. Love is precious. You deserve them both. Stay healthy.

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