I will never forget driving on I-95 North in the pouring rain back to my Dad’s house after dinner with a childhood friend. I still can’t vividly remember what was the cause — was my music too loud? Was the truck to the right of me was a distraction? Was I too tired to drive? All of a sudden I started losing control of the vehicle and I went into a panic. As my body went into fight or flight, I started panting, my palms started getting sweaty and I couldn’t see the road clearly. I prayed and started to get over to my right as cars beeped, and I prayed I wouldn’t crash. I heard the abrupt rumble strips on my tires that confirmed I made it to the side of the road safely. I burst out into tears, and I called 911. “911, what’s your emergency?” barely getting the words out, I responded, “Hi, yeah uh. I think I just had a panic attack while driving. I don’t know exactly what’s going on but uh, I need help…” This my friend, was the panic attack that changed my life for the better.
After calling 911, the operator stayed on the phone until my dad and bonus mom was able to locate me on the highway. I remember the sound of the rain on the hood of my brand new all-wheel-drive car. My dad and bonus mom met me, comforted me, and my dad drove me home while my bonus mom followed, driving my car back to our home. I’ve had a panic attack many times before, but this one was different and was terribly scary since I was behind the wheel.
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This happened in 2019, and since then, I’ve been dedicated to gaining control over my nervous system and gaining more control over my mind. For anyone with anxiety and/or a panic disorder, it feels like a never-ending rush that will have your chest heavy, you gasping for air, and feeling like everything is over. Before taking my power back from agoraphobia, I first had to learn how to feel, acknowledge and accept myself, and also gain control back over my mind and nervous system with an anxiety disorder. If you’re like me, someone who grew up in a Black conservative Christian household, anything about anxiety, or fear is identified as a “negative spirit.” Which is somewhat true, but doesn’t mean the person themselves is evil or negative. It is an emotion that humans feel. It means they’re wrestling with something trying to steal their joy and it’s important for us to identify the disorder without demonizing the person experiencing it.
After the incident above, I was immediately enrolled in therapy and was strongly encouraged not to drive until I was cleared by my therapist and primary doctor. I was so frustrated and overwhelmed because I was finishing my first year of grad school at Rutgers New Brunswick as a Grad Assistant and didn’t know how to explain to my professors and direct report that I would be absent because of my high functioning anxiety. Sadly, to some Professors, it was seen as an “excuse” and others kind of understood it. Regardless, I had to learn how to love and show up for myself despite how others would perceive or treat me. What mattered most was being the best version of myself so I could get back to doing the things I love, enjoy driving to see my friends who lived in different locations, and feel free again.
Here’s an acronym I put together for myself that’s helped me work through my agoraphobia over the years. If you’re someone who noticed you experience anxiety or panic when in a crowd of people, or in situations that make you feel helpless, I’m confident this will provide you with tangible ways to get your power back. Let’s get into the S-E-L-F L-O-V-E acrynoym I created specifically for those wrestling with anxiety.
Seek the resources, conversations, and convenience you need despite what people may say.
- For me, this looked like moving my schedule around to prioritize therapy and deciding to finish my Grad program online. It was a hard decision because I had to let go of my Graduate Assistant role while people also told me there would be a possibility that I wouldn’t finish if I go online…but I was determined. And your girl graduated on-time anyway!
Evolve your mindset from “what’s wrong with me?” to “how can I show up for me?”
- Whew, this is a big one. Part of the reason my anxiety disorder felt so unbearable is that I kept asking myself “what is wrong with me?” while telling myself that I was crazy and what I was feeling wasn’t legit. I had to shift conversations with myself and ask how can I show up for myself? This looked like prioritizing a minimum of 7 hours of sleep and learning to communicate my needs.
Learning to accept yourself when you’re at your worse.
- The next time you’re in a panic attack, show yourself acceptance by hugging yourself, reaffirming out loud that “although I am are feeling anxious in this moment, I am safe. I am in control, and this emotion will pass.” This helps you show yourself more compassion when you feel at your worse, and it will become a habit when you feel other big emotions.
Focusing on solution-oriented resources
- Don’t allow yourself to fall into a rabbit hole of information online that tells you horror stories and the worse side effects of anxiety disorders. Instead, seek out information that will inspire you and give you tangible action steps to overcome.
Limiting unhealthy things that trigger panic attacks or anxiety.
- If you haven’t already, start paying attention when you go into a panic attack. Try to note the location, time, what you ate, what you smell, every detail you can, if you can. For me, I realized drinking coffee and blasting music too loud in the mornings sometimes triggered my panic attacks. I learned to monitor my coffee intake and volume of music to keep my nerves intact.
Over-communicate your needs to your loved ones, work, and partner.
- This can be hard, especially if you come from a community or family that shames or dismisses mental and emotional discord. I would suggest only sharing with people you feel safe with, first. Be sure to prepare in advance ways they can show up for you, tangibly. One day I shared with my coworker what happened, and she offered to pick me up and drop me off two days of the week to limit how much I drove. This was a huge weight off my shoulders, and we became close friends afterward.
Visibly set goals, scriptures, and resources in front of you.
- This is going to look different for everyone since we all have different values and beliefs. For me personally, I had scripture sticky notes in my car, snacks, water, and specific friends I’d dial if I had a panic attack while in public or driving. They knew if they received a 911 text or a certain emoji, that I was probably in a distressed state and needed a conversation as a healthy distraction. Distractions are KEY to dismantling panic attacks.
Engage in conversations, content, and relationships that feed your mind, body, and spirit.
- I follow Instagram pages, I watch meditation videos on YouTube that help me with breathing exercises, and I have an anxiety playlist of my favorite pop songs to sing to as a distraction when feeling anxious. Prioritize consuming the things that help feed your mind and spirit as work to overcome anxiety.
Wow, honestly, outlining this acronym reminded me of how far I’ve come and, I feel proud of myself. I’m grateful for this journey because I know my story and advice will help set someone else free from the stress of anxiety. I can proudly say it’s 2022, and I no longer fear driving a long period of time in the car. I’m able to freely drive on a 6-lane highway here in California with ease and confidence and I actually find joy being in the car, spending time alone, and jamming out to my favorite soul music. I still have my days, when panic tries to creep up on me but now, I know how to fight back and WIN.
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