How Moving in With My Mother-In-Law Benefitted My Marriage
by Amy Gillon
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May 2, 2024

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How Moving in With My Mother-In-Law Benefitted My Marriage

Amy Gillon with her mother-in-law (Courtesy of Amy Gillon)

In May 2019, I was laid off from my job as a human resources assistant. This came just two weeks before my husband and I were supposed to move out of our apartment after deciding not to renew our lease. We were also in a bind because we could not find another apartment in our budget that met our standards. My husband presented the idea of us moving in with his mother and younger sister. Initially, I refused. The thought of moving in with my mother-in-law terrified me, but not for the reason that most people would think.

My mother-in-law and I have always had a great relationship. We’ve always been able to talk about any and everything. She has always treated me with love and respect, and I’ve always treated her how I would want someone to treat my own mother. So, that wasn’t the issue. At the time, we had been married for five years. We had built our own traditions, routines, standards, and expectations. The fear mostly came from the thought of giving up power. Moving into someone else’s home meant that we would have to abide by their rules. For a moment, it felt like a step backward. In our community, it is unconventional for a married couple to live with their parents. Some might even look at the couple and assume that they were unable to make it on their own. This was a fear of mine.

Amy Gillon with her sister-in-law, husband, baby and mother-in-law (Courtesy of Amy Gillon)

After much convincing and prayer, my husband and I moved in with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law in their three-bedroom apartment. I’ve always considered myself a humble person, but this experience was the ultimate test of my humility. Most of our belongings went to storage. We only brought our summer clothes with us because the initial agreement was that we were moving in for three months until we were able to find our own place. Living without many of our possessions was definitely a challenge. I especially missed my air fryer. But my mother-in-law made her home very welcoming. She immediately let me know that her home was now our home, and we were welcome to treat it as such. At first, I moved with caution, but after a few weeks, it was clear to me that she was sincere. She didn’t make us feel like an inconvenience, even though she gave up her home office for us to have a bedroom. 

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Two months after moving in, we found out we were pregnant with our miracle baby (my mother-in-law’s first and only grandchild). And that’s how a three-month stay turned into four years and counting. I am grateful for my husband’s wisdom and vision for our family and his ability to lead. 

While I do understand that a multigenerational household is not ideal for everyone, here are some of the benefits that our family has experienced:

  • Financial. The household expenses are shared equally. We have the ability for everyone to save more money to reach our goals sooner. We were able to save for and purchase our first home together. My husband and I are also able to save on childcare, as there was no dire financial need for me to return to work immediately after our son was born.
  • Relationships. The bond our family has built over the years is stronger than ever. Our son having his grandmother in the home has been such a blessing. She was the one pacing the floor with me in the wee hours of the morning during the infant stage when our Son had his days and nights confused. My mother-in-law and I have been able to learn new skills from each other.
  • Understanding. Seeing my husband interact with his Mother and Sister on a daily basis was much different than just talking to them on the phone or seeing them occasionally. I was able to gain a better understanding of the way he was raised, because the old saying is definitely true, “some things never change.” We have also been able to resolve some family issues by just having open and honest conversations in person that may have been misinterpreted over the phone or in passing.  
Amy Gillon, her husband and mother-in-law on their closing day (Courtesy of Amy Gillon)

Going from living in my mother-in-law’s apartment to owning a home together was a journey. Owning a home meant there would be more bills and more responsibility for everyone. Our main criteria for the home that we would end up purchasing was that it needed to have an upstairs and downstairs so that we would all have some level of privacy. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law on one level, and my husband, son, and I on the other level, with a full bathroom on each of the levels. We had to get our five years’ worth of possessions out of storage and combine them with everything my mother-in-law had accumulated over the 16 years of living in her apartment.

There were some not-so-hard decisions that had to be made, like who was responsible for taking out and bringing in the trash cans on garbage days. While other decisions, like what we wanted to do with our finished basement, required much prayer and patience. Thankfully, my mother-in-law and myself have very similar tastes. So purchasing new living room and dining room furniture and deciding which washer and dryer to purchase was a breeze. Because I am a stay-at-home mom and everyone else works outside of the home, I have taken on the responsibility of cooking for the whole family. This meant I had to learn everyone’s likes and dislikes and how to cook for five people instead of two. Ultimately, living in a multigenerational household has been a great journey. No, it isn’t always easy, but it’s beneficial for everyone involved. Keeping an open mind and being willing to compromise has helped our family stay focused on the greater good. 

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