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How I Fixed the Broken Pieces in My Marriage
by Kristel David
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January 8, 2020

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How I Fixed the Broken Pieces in My Marriage

Courtesy of Kristel David

We’ve all heard the infamous saying, “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” And I, for one, certainly and wholeheartedly lived by it and often quoted this statement. Only recently did I notice my hubby respond in a hopeless tone, “Nothing will ever make you happy. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.” At that very instant, I witnessed his spirit die right before my eyes. He felt trapped. Always trying to do everything he could to make me happy but stuck in the failure of never quite hitting the mark.

With more than ten years invested and multiple kids, I used to think to myself he was not going anywhere. So I thought. But one day, we argued [per usual]. It was different this time because my husband didn’t seem emotionally connected. He was done, and [actually] said it aloud for the first time. I believed him. And as my life with him flashed before me, I soon realized that being stuck is not a way to live. Something had to give.

I believe having God and prayer at the center of our marriage is the reason we are still together. We also realized that meeting God in the middle was only part of the battle. Both of us putting in the work was another essential aspect of saving our marriage. 

I believe having God and prayer at the center of our marriage is the reason we are still together

In addition to tons of prayer and seeking God, along our journey, I learned several lessons. I learned the meaning of authenticity, to heal past traumas and the importance of building trust. Implementing these principles has not only strengthened our marriage, but I’ve since found they are also the very things scaling my business right now! At their core, I believe these concepts can improve any relationship both personally and professionally.

Heal From Your Past

The “Happy Wife, Happy Life” mentality will instantly destroy a relationship. Both partners have to take full responsibility for their happiness and allow each other to be individuals. To be happy, I expected my husband to meet all of my expectations. The majority of the time, it left me disappointed with him living on eggshells and striving to be perfect, which is impossible. 

By trading in my ego and exercising grace and understanding, I took control of my happiness. Instead of reacting at the moment when my husband would say or do something that I didn’t like, I would write in my journal and look within. I asked myself questions such as, “Why didn’t I like it?” or “What was the deeper issue at hand?” 

Once I healed the past, I was able to create a better reality for myself.

Courtesy of Kristel David

I was able to save many arguments by evaluating my triggers because I realized most of the time, it was one of two things. Either it was my ego reacting, or it was a reaction in response to a past wound. Once I healed the past, I was able to create a better reality for myself. 

Ladies, take my word when you control your happiness; you are more desirable to your man! Honestly, it takes a mental load off of them to feel safe and free without the constant worry if something is going to piss you off. When men can do that, they have more space to appreciate you. 

Related: What 9 Years of Marriage Has Taught Me

When we don’t learn from past failures or mistakes, we block our growth and the ability to move forward. I’ve made many mistakes that left me with feelings of inadequacy and a lack of confidence. Once I let go and learned the lessons intended to help me gain a better understanding of the situation at hand, it finally clicked.

Your healing will always fight to be released. It’s up to you to either face your past and do the work that is needed or you’ll be forced into healing by unknowingly manifesting a loss. In my case, it was almost losing my marriage, but it could be a diagnosis or something worse. It’s a terrible feeling to go through your entire life, never fully living to your highest potential. 

Trust the Process

Courtesy of Kristel David

We diminish trust in ourselves on a daily, and others definitely will break their faith in us. But it’s important to trust yourself, trust the process and trust God. When I decided to trust God more than any man or business strategy, my relationship and business started to thrive.

Despite your religious belief, whether you believe in the Bible or not, it’s a universal law that without vision, you will perish. In my daily practice, I learned to stop comparing myself to others. I stopped basing my future self off of my past self and limiting myself due to circumstances. I shifted my mindset and began trusting [God] more than anyone because he won’t let you down. Although the process is unknown and the journey can be difficult, you need him to fulfill your breakthrough. So, lean in because God’s got you! 

Build a Life of Authenticity 

Courtesy of Kristel David

My life truly began once I started soul searching and chasing my dreams. I realized that my titles or my successes did not define me. I am defined by my authenticity and unique gifts that I contribute to the world. Showing up each day fully present, vulnerable, and committed helps me to connect with others because I am living in my truth.

When I was younger, a woman once told me, “When you get married, always look amazing. Always do things outside of your spouse. You always want your man to wonder where you’re going without him.” 

Related: Gratitude is the Attitude: Remember Your Vows

Her words stuck with me. I’m not very intentional about making my man wonder where I’m going, but the same effect naturally happens. I’m living life with or without him. He sees that I don’t need him here, I’m choosing him, and every day I choose to love him.

I believe what she was saying, is to be confident. As I mentioned, when you are operating from a clear vision and achieving your goals, your confidence is heightened. And that’s sexy. If you lose yourself, you lose everything. So, heal your trauma. Trust that you are enough. Find that little girl who was once brave, bold, fun, and free. Set your soul on fire with an authentic vision for your life and fail forward to achieve every bit of it!

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