In Search Of: Fulfillment
by Brook Sitgraves Turner



January 3, 2019


5 Minute Read


In Search Of: Fulfillment

It’s 7 a.m., my toes are nestled beneath the soft sand as I watch the sunrise over Redondo Beach, and the one thing I can’t help but think is… maybe I should be a lesbian.  

Courtesy of Brook Sitgraves Turner
Writer Brook Sitgraves Turner

On the advice of my Reiki practitioner, I’m doing something that fills me up — paddle board yoga. For those of you like, Rei-what?! Reiki is a healing technique in which a therapist channels energy into the patient by means of touch to activate the natural healing processes of the patient’s body to restore physical and emotional well-being. I know, I know —

I realize I am eccentric.

I went to Berkeley, drink oat milk, and buy magic candles. So, yeah, Reiki. Personally, I consider it spiritual and emotional therapy.

Before each session, my Reiki practitioner and I have a long discussion about what’s going on in my life, specifically what I’m working through — that’s the emotional part. Once that’s done, I lay down on her table where she takes me through a guided meditation while cleansing and aligning the energy throughout my body — that’s the spiritual part. To finish, we discuss what came up energetically that could be responsible for my seemingly practical struggles— voila, emotional and spiritual!

In our most recent conversation, she asked me an important question: was I being intentional in my behaviors and decisions? Now, this wasn’t specific to dating. She was asking me about my intentions across the board. What kind of life did I want? How did I envision my career progressing? And, yes, what kind of romantic relationship did I seek?

Courtesy of Brook Sitgraves Turner
Brook Sitgraves Turner on her paddle board

What I’ve learned from my very happily partnered aunts and cousins is that it’s important to find someone who actively seeks what makes them full. So, my practitioner had a suggestion: go out and do things that filled me up. I immediately wondered why I hadn’t done this already. Everyone says you’re likely to meet a partner with similar interests doing the things you love and that you should imbue the qualities you’d like in a partner. So…

…enter a sunrise paddle board yoga meetup — my love for being on the open ocean combined with the calming practice of yoga. Hello, Bliss. But guess what, any notion I had of a meet-cute with my husband on the Pacific was delusional. A wife, maybe, because there were zero men present. In the vein of staying in the flow, I swiftly redirected my attention to the seven lovely women accompanying me. Seven well-educated, well-traveled, well-intentioned women who never mentioned — not once — their relationship statuses.

They were happily the centers of their own universes…

which was wonderfully apparent when more than one managed Bakasana despite the steady ocean current.

I had a great time — executed wheel pose for a few breaths, admired baby seals enjoying their own Savasanas on nearby rocks, and, after all was said and done, sat for a moment with one of the women in my group. We chatted between sips of water. She asked what brought me to the meetup. I told her I was practicing the art of attraction — finding my partner in the process of doing things I already enjoyed. She smiled, kindly, clear that she understood. In fact, the reason she came was to make new friends. She’d just relocated from the midwest and, while the move was welcome, it was also stressful because all of her friends were miles away. She figured whether she made a friend or not, at least she’d spend her free time doing something she enjoyed. To your point, she said, either way I’m full. I couldn’t disagree with that.

In that spirit, I attended two more meetups. No surprise, my hiking and running groups were also testosterone-free — but you know what I couldn’t help but think? I am full. Right now, that’s good enough for me.

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