Replacing Shame With Love: My Journey With Chronic Illness
by Ayana Iman
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March 8, 2022

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Replacing Shame With Love: My Journey With Chronic Illness

Courtesy of Ayana Iman

I have been dealing with shame for a while. There was deep humiliation of not controlling when an attack would hit. As a newlywed, I felt guilty that I couldn’t give my husband 100% of me. And as a mother, I felt like my kid only got someone who could fulfill her parental duties and nothing more. Constantly, in pain or complaining of sickness. Not to mention the fatigue and exhaustion I felt daily from it.

It has a name: Irritable Bowel Syndrome, also known as IBS.

Mayo Clinic describes IBS as a common disorder that affects the large intestine. The signs and symptoms of IBS include cramping, abdominal pain, bloating, gas, diarrhea or constipation, or both. 

I’m sure many people have heard about this disorder, but most don’t understand the challenges it can impose on your life, maybe even think it’s no big deal. It can and has affected almost every part of my life. The woman who was once confident and on the center stage could now be found curled up in a ball on the couch crying. I am her. 

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The symptoms didn’t happen overnight; it took years for the symptoms to progress. In 2020, the pain exacerbated — I’m sure the stress of the pandemic didn’t help — and I needed to find answers. I found a gastroenterologist, a doctor trained to diagnose and treat problems in your gastrointestinal (GI) tract and liver, who monitored me for a few months before recommending a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Getting this procedure at 30 years old is unusual. Typically, screening colonoscopies begin at age 45 and happen every ten years. They found small polyps in my colon, but all were harmless. It did, however, confirm I was suffering from IBS and nothing more. 

Courtesy of Ayana Iman

In the last year, I have researched and focused on living well. My goal was to achieve total self-love during this volatile period. The biggest part of my healing journey was reducing stress because depression is one of the most common complications of chronic illness. If I’m honest, I became more reclusive after the diagnosis. I didn’t know when a flare-up would occur and certainly didn’t want to discuss the details with strangers. To pull me out of the slump, I focused on affirmations to help me think more positively. 

My favorite affirmation: “This illness does not define me.” 

Another step in this journey was changing my diet, eating less spice, sugar, fat, and acidic foods, which can cause bloating, gas, and stomach pain. Sadly, there is no cure. The changes in my diet helped make the IBS symptoms more manageable, and I noticed a difference in eating cleaner.

Five Steps You Can Take to Manage IBS

If you are undiagnosed and suffering from the symptoms of IBS, or newly diagnosed, here are ​​five tips to help you live a full life. 

  1. Reduce Caffeine
  2. If you need a cup of coffee to get your day started, I’m sorry to share that you may need to find a decaffeinated substitute. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, caffeine can increase diarrhea, another major symptom of IBS. High sources of caffeine include coffee, tea, cola drinks, chocolate, and some over-the-counter pain relievers designed for headache relief.

  3. Follow a Low FODMAP Diet 
  4. FODMAP stands for fermentable oligosaccharides, disaccharides, monosaccharides, and polyols, which are short-chain carbohydrates (sugars) that the small intestine absorbs poorly. Some people experience digestive distress after eating them. 

    High FODMAP foods include favorites like mango, wheat, and ice cream. You can find a full list of foods here. Eating less of those foods is proven to reduce flare-ups and improve your quality of life. 

  5. Exercise regularly
  6. Working out consistently can improve your symptoms. I know it’s hard to find the strength, or in some cases, the energy to stay active during a flare-up, but it can help ease stress anxiety. Stay away from high-intensity cardio and choose gentler options like walking, biking, and yoga.

    Courtesy of Ayana Iman

     

  7. Acupuncture 
    Acupuncture is proven effective for treating chronic pain. If you prefer an alternative, drug-free method, then acupuncture may help relieve pain and bloating, supporting your overall gut health. My acupuncturist is also an herbalist and shares Traditional Chinese Herbal medicine to help me address my symptoms for better relief. I highly suggest giving this method a try. 

  8. Psychotherapy

Did you know there is a strong connection between the nervous system and the colon? Our feelings can influence our mental states, and stress can have an impact on worsening the syndrome. As shared by the Baylor College of Medicine, there are two types of behavioral treatments that have been shown to improve not only distress related to IBS: Gut-directed hypnotherapy and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

Andrea Bradford, Ph.D., a psychologist at Baylor College of Medicine, shared: “Gut-directed hypnotherapy is a treatment that involves entering a relaxed and focused mental state, paired with imagery and verbal suggestions to help the person experience gut functions in a more comfortable and less distressing way.” 

Having a great support system helps. For me, it’s my family and friends, along with health practitioners, who are helping me through this process of healing. I’ve learned if a doctor does not take your pain seriously, then you can find another. You are responsible for your health. If you or a loved one are dealing with chronic illness, now is the time to focus on your health and lifestyle. Let go of the shame and replace that feeling with grace. We all deserve to live a long and healthy life.

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