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She Relocated for Love, Would You?
by Ylorie Taylor
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October 13, 2020

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She Relocated for Love, Would You?

Couple unpacking
Courtesy of Canva.com

GASP! That’s the response I got every single time I would say I’m moving to NY — for a boy. 

Yep, I wanted to be near my man. As a career-driven woman, moving away from family in Indiana in 2011 wasn’t really a hard decision for me, since I had lived in over five cities during my adulthood. My mother begged me to consider what I’d be giving up (I’m her only child), never thinking about what I would gain (as one of my wise sorors reminds me of to this day).

I was born in the Midwest; however, I consider NY as the place that “raised me.” I accepted a position at an industry leading company and relocated to NY at the age of 26. It was here where I met Bryan shortly after 9/11/01. 

How we got to our first date in 2002 is one for the books! After relocating to New York, I called Allstate to transfer my insurance. Bryan was the agent who took my call. What started as a few business phone calls, mixed with slight flirting, led to longer conversations after work and even into the wee hours of most mornings. After weeks of telephone conversations, we had a magical first date, and I thought he might be the one. Then, with little warning, it ended.

I thought he might be the one. Then, with little warning, it ended.

I relocated for a new position years later, landing me back in Indiana, close to home. I spent those years discovering what I enjoyed – in my career as well as dating. Living a single life, dating here and there, gave me an opportunity to really appreciate and love who I was becoming.

Fast forward — almost a decade later during a girls’ trip to New York with my college buddies (love those women), Bryan slid in my DMs on Facebook asking if I was in town. A few exchanges, and we decided to meet for drinks to catch up. Though it was meant to be a simple “meet up,” it was one of the longest “dates” that I had been on since he and I dated the first time  around in 2002. We could always talk for hours about any and everything. This time around, he was newly single and a father. We definitely had a lot to catch up on.

The day after our date, a snow storm pounded New York City, and I ended up stranded there for almost a week. Bryan and I met up daily — hanging out, talking, catching up, and really just re-igniting a friendship that once was. When he dropped me off at the airport on Christmas Eve, I was shockingly sad. I wondered if the nostalgia of hanging out was causing my emotions to be all over the place. I boarded the plane and chalked it up as a fun, enjoyable experience. I was headed back to Indiana.

 

Living a single life, dating here and there, gave me an opportunity to really appreciate and love who I was becoming.

I resumed my normal daily activities — work, gym, hanging with friends and family. Then, Bryan called. He said he missed me. Dead silence on the phone. I missed him too, but we now lived 1000 miles apart, and I had done the long distance thing before with others (which clearly had not worked out). We just agreed that keeping in touch was safe; afterall, we were just phone friends right?

The new year came around and Bryan suggested we make plans to see each other. Hey, I was single so I said okay. Another great weekend turned into many weekends over the next few months in Indiana and New York––with concert dates, eating at our favorite places, sightseeing, hanging with each other’s friends, and more. I couldn’t believe we were dating again. It was official. I was happy. He was happy.

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Then, after months, the realization that this could not go on forever caused us to take a break. Who would move? What were the “rules”? Would the relationship be as much fun when we could see one another daily? What were the next steps? After much deliberation and weeks of planning, I decided to move. I think he was shocked at first and worried at the same time that my happiness might depend on him. I assured him that although he was the reason for the move, that I was responsible for my transition and joy. I moved to Harlem this time (previously, I lived in Brooklyn). He lived in Westchester. I didn’t want to drive an hour to see him so this was my compromise, a new neighborhood in the same state.

 

To this day, women ask me why I moved and he didn’t?

Family moving into new home (Photo courtesy of rawpixel.com)
Courtesy of rawpixel.com

I met his daughter and, seeing them together, I immediately knew he could father my children. It took another couple of years for him to propose. He’s a thinker. I felt he waited a long time, but I now know more about how he makes decisions, and this time he was betting on me, on us. He wanted to come out a winner. I’d say he hit the jackpot! Three kids later and house in the ‘burbs, we’re still riding high.

To this day, women ask me why I moved and he didn’t? I share that his daughter plays such an integral role in who he is as a man, that I knew he would not be happy being away from her. I supported that. I also knew, as I’ve always said, that moving had just as much to do with my happiness journey as it did with making a decision that involved a man. I had so much to gain, if the cards worked in our favor. Even if they didn’t, I believed that God had a plan for me and taking the chance on love was a risk I could absorb.

Moving had just as much to do with my happiness journey as it did with making a decision that involved a man.

There are so many ways to date these days — online, sliding in DMs, blind dates, hook ups, old flames, new friends, and more. The best thing to do is to be open. Remove the baggage of past relationships and really enjoy the present you have with those you love — or find interesting. Not everyone you meet or date will end up as your mate, but you might learn something about who you are, and what you’re looking for to carry into the next relationship, and before you know it, all of those experiences, desires, and lessons will add up to a whole person.  And that whole person is you.  Afterall, isn’t it the best when someone loves you for just being you?

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