The Honeymoon is Over and We’re Building Healthy Habits for Success
by Ayana Iman
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December 15, 2021

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The Honeymoon is Over and We’re Building Healthy Habits for Success

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I recently got married to my best friend. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. As the dust settled and the honeymoon was over, it was time to start the next chapter of our lives. This time, no family or friends was cheering us on; we were on our own. 

It felt like a new adventure, unlike the six years we spent together before we wed. But, the rules had changed. Marriage is not just about a fancy white dress, flowers, and rings. As told by Legal Zoom, “Marriage is a legal and financial partnership. .Like partners in a small business, married couples must manage money, make joint decisions, and communicate with one another about dozens of day-to-day issues.” 

We were new employees of the happily married incorporated, and we needed to make our best impression on each other. As a new hire, the first 90 days are critical for establishing your role and responsibilities in the workplace. During this time, it’s also vital to convince them that your company, or in this case marriage, is a place where they can envision themselves working for years to come. We had a lot of groundwork to cover, including moving away from the singular form of “I” and establishing what “we” needed. 

In the first 90 days of marriage, you must think about the rules of engagement and how you intend to be successful. 

Understand the Expectations for Your Marriage 

As a first step, we needed to establish what we expected from each other. Love brought us together, but it was not enough to keep us together. With that understanding, we approached our expectations with compassion and honesty. Unlike when we were dating and living together, all decisions now needed to run through the team (us). We both got a vote, but the final decision needed to benefit the bottom line (our family). 

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Establish and Maintain Camaraderie and Connection With Your Partner 

Couple smiling in the kitchen
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Camaraderie is key to successfully building a collaborative and productive team that not only enjoys working together but can accomplish goals with ease. In other words, it’s not just about the work. When things get tough in the office, you want to make sure you have someone looking out for you. Having mutual trust and friendship in your partner makes you a stronger couple. 

Ask Questions, Get Autonomy

No matter how much you think you know your partner and what they want, ask questions. Once you have clarity, you can determine if this is individual work or not. Can you decide on your own? How will this affect the team? Autonomy in decision-making gives you the freedom to get things done especially, simple tasks like buying dish detergent. It’s also a healthy trait, so neither of you becomes co-dependent and unable to function on your own. Determine the decisions that require both of you and what does not. 

Accept and Apply Feedback 

Feedback does not have to be critical. It helps our partner know what we need, what works for us, and what doesn’t work for us. Focus on how things make you feel rather than taking personal digs. Be prepared to listen and also receive feedback. 

Initiate Personal Development Opportunities

Couple on laptop
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Much like professional development in the workplace, personal development is important to relationships. That can include establishing goals and accountability partners, counseling, or more novel experiences, like learning to dance or cook. Personal development promotes individual growth, which helps you become a better, more confident person and overall a better spouse. 

Recognize Good Work and Share Praise

Praising your partner and recognizing when they do good work is one of the most critical traits in a relationship. Couples tend to get bogged down in the weeds and don’t always acknowledge when something went right. Taking the time to praise their work shows you see them and your gratitude for their effort.  It is vital to establish positive feedback to keep the honeymoon phase alive. 

The probationary period of 90 days will have many ups and downs as you establish your marriage. The goal is to build a foundation that will support you for a lifetime. Be intentional about your level of effort and actions if you want to stay gainfully employed (happily married). Make check-ins a daily routine in your relationship to ensure you are both on the same page. And if you ever find yourselves at a crossroads, talk to your manager (a therapist) to work it out. The work never stops. 

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