What does it mean to “Date for Depth”? BlackLove.com Senior Editor Arynetta Floyzelle finds out from Kamali Minter’s web series, Tantric Perspective.
Remember that Chris Rock joke: “When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them, you’re meeting their representative.” This is exactly what Kamali Minter doesn’t want for you.
She wants you to show up as yourself, and as yourself inspire your date to present the most authentic self that they are capable of. And in the “Dating for Depth” episode of her BlackLove.com series Tantric Perspective, she tells us just how to go about doing that. I enjoy Kamali. She has a great, warm, bubbly personality, anchored in honesty, authenticity, and depth of knowledge in her field. And her field is Tantra. Tantra is often closely associated with sex, and Kamali talks about that too (have you ever heard of the Conscious Penis?), but Kamali offers Tantra more as a way of life. It’s the way of the lover, in and out of the bedroom, in relationships with and to other people, and in the relationship with and to oneself.
I would recommend heading to Kamali’s website to learn about her awakening into the tantric perspective and what Tantra means to her, but my interpretation of it is the embrace of all intense emotion without judgment, including vulnerability, and leaning into the emotional intelligence this provides, which naturally, once one is operating from an intention of a judgment free zone, this zone is able to inspire erotic intelligence. Look, I know it sounds wonky coming from me. You gotta read it straight from her!
Regardless, once you are operating from this place, your authentic self goes into overdrive. You start fully showing up to every situation ready not to put your “best foot forward”, but to put, in Kamali’s words, your “real foot forward”. And the “Dating for Depth” episode of Tantric Perspective is all about putting your real foot forward in your dating life.
Kamali starts by suggesting that the viewer look back over their dating history and highlight what they loved. What made them feel safe? What made them feel supported? Loved? More alive? She calls these “More Please.”
Then, she suggests you make a list of the things that made you feel inadequate or chipped down at your self-confidence. These are, as Kamali puts it, relationship killing “Deal Breakers.”
To me, this is a great way to honor past relationships and the lessons learned from them. It feels good to look back at exes and see the things I loved about our connection and to welcome those gifts into a new relationship. It didn’t necessarily feel as good to think of the negatives, but I really enjoyed realizing that I don’t want nor need that in my life anymore, and, having recognized it, can let it go.
After this, she says to “Get Curious” about your date and gives questions to ask that reveal character. These questions include: What do you love about yourself? What are you afraid for people to know about you?
What do you love about yourself? What are you afraid for people to know about you?
In listening to the questions, I realized that I wanted to ask them of myself.
And that brings me to my biggest takeaway in “Dating for Depth” – I want to arrive to the party from a position of personal depth, and though this episode certainly arms one with fantastic tools to dig deep into a partner, for me, these same tools work to explore unexamined aspects of my own being. With that, it becomes easier to be authentic, vulnerable, open and alive. And if that truth, if that life, inspires the person I am with, then more power to us. And once we are sitting in that power, I believe that is what attracts our true partners – in friendship, in business, and in romance.
“Dating for Depth”, and the Tantric Perspective, is really about living for depth. And then, from that deeper, stronger foundation, living your best, most charged life.