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With an arching theme of sisterhood, the virtual and in-person conversations were rooted in having crazy faith, boldly setting and sticking to boundaries, how ritualizing your life changes the trajectory of your peace.
If you’re wondering what you missed at the in-person event on Sunday in Los Angeles, I’ve got you covered. As a Black woman healing from her own emotional nuances and childhood trauma, here are 5 quotes from The YOU Retreat that helped me declare that I have what exactly it takes to discover triumph in my trauma.
“Right now, I am proud of the woman who didn’t give up [at my lowest and darkest moment.]” -Melissa Fredericks
Black women are often described as “strong,” resilient, and superheroes in which you’re damn right we are! But, we’re also kind, gentle, sassy, and beautifully complex. We’re not all a monolith, and there’s no doubt that we too have our moments where we need someone to be strong for us- to carry us. I often feel like there’s no time to heal, rest or even take a breather because I don’t want to “waste time.” I at times even beat myself up for taking too long to process emotions or decisions because I don’t have time to waste, but Melissa reminded us that we never actually waste time. Time, despite how it’s used, helps grow, define and build us. Even when we may feel like we’re “wasting time,” we should simply be proud that we didn’t give up.
“Negativity stems from hurt.” -Tabitha Brown
Growing up, there were often times when sharp hurtful words and physical altercations would break out in my home. To the point where our neighbors would call 911 and child services would show up at the door. Being that this was normalized. I sadly learned to tolerate and adapt to dysfunction. Years later, I’m in therapy and learning that hurt people hurt people. Aunty Tab said it best “Negativity stems from hurt.” And when you realize this, you no longer hold a grudge or anger towards that person- instead, you feel compassion and pain for them and only desire for them to heal and experience true peace.
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“I took control of my narrative.” –Estelle
If you didn’t know, somehow childhood trauma spills over into every area of your life if it’s not addressed- it’s like a snowball effect. If you’re like me, you might’ve found yourself running into issues with pleasing people, self-worth and toxic dependency in dating, at work- even with yourself! In a world that goes out of its way to silence Black women, Estelle reminded us to take control of our own narratives because “nobody is going to fight for you, the way you will fight for you.”
“There’s danger in letting a title define who you are.” –Tai Beauchamp
Overcoming childhood trauma also led to me sometimes struggling with my identity outside of my work and career. As outgoing and sociable I am, I too wrestled with finding my voice in a world, industry and family that seemed so rambunctious. Tai Beauchamp empowered us ladies to hone in on what we love, and decipher our passions from our purpose.
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“I’m not available for anything that isn’t mutually beneficial.” –Devi Brown
Devi Brown and Angela Rye sat down with us and gave us a front-row seat of their friendship and how they hold each other accountable to rest. Being a woman who is seen as the helper, caretaker, and giver, I often overextend myself at home, at work, and in my platonic relationships. This leaves me feeling depleted and sometimes even resentful of those I love. Devi challenged us to say no to the things that don’t serve us. I was reminded that I am enough. My being is enough. I will not overextend myself more than what I can offer.
The YOU retreat fueled me in ways I can’t explain, and I’m so grateful that Black Love’s Co-Founder Codie Oliver put this day together! The panels, laughter, and sisterly love in the atmosphere were everything I needed after a rough year of loss and uncertainty. The YOU Retreat empowered my mind, body, and spirit to live life forward in my emotional and spiritual healing journey. After this retreat, I feel more inclined to trust myself, use my voice and stand firm in what I know I’m worth as a Black woman.
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