How to Avoid Family Drama Over Christmas
by Ayana Iman
SHARE ARTICLE
LEFT TO READ

minutes

PUBLISHED ON

December 15, 2023

ARTICLE LENGTH

5 Minute Read

SHARE ARTICLE
CONTRIBUTOR

How to Avoid Family Drama Over Christmas

family during christmas opening gifts
Credit: iStockPhoto

Family drama is inevitable. You are likely to experience it at one time or another. For some, it’s sibling jealousy that continues into adulthood or disapproval from toxic parents that uses their words to cut you down. For others, family drama is masked in silence because confronting people with the truth is too real and would cause irreparable damage. It’s safe to say that family drama can impact our mental health and our ability to form healthy relationships. While we can’t choose our family, we can choose how and when we interact with them. 

The holidays do not exempt us from having unpleasant experiences, even with the pretty decorations and dessert charcuterie boards. With Christmas just around the corner you must protect your peace at all costs. 

Here are steps you can take to avoid family drama over Christmas and beyond. 

Understand Your Triggers 

woman sad during Christmas
Credit: iStockPhoto

Triggers are instinctive and immediate reactions to experiences from past events. If you experienced a traumatic event, you likely remember certain sounds, smells, or sights related to that experience. Some triggers can be unknown but still elicit a negative response in your body. For example: Imagine having your worst moment thrown in your face by someone close to you. Immediately, you are overwhelmed by anger and feeling powerless. The person saying those words is intentionally trying to hurt you. They used your known triggers to get you to react. 

The first thing we can do to avoid uncomfortable situations with your family is to identify your triggers. Is it what they say or how they say it? Are there particular events or people that are triggering? Pay close attention to how you feel both physically and emotionally when you come into contact with those triggers. 

When someone triggers you, the best thing you can do is honor yourself and refocus your energy to something positive. Self-awareness is necessary to navigate these spaces and minimize stress.  

BlackLove.com Related Articles:
Tips to Navigate Your First Blended Family Holiday Season
How to Manage Grief During the Holidays
5 Self-Care Tips to Thrive This Holiday Season

Set Boundaries

Couple listening to someone talk near a fireplace
Credit: iStockPhoto

Once we understand our triggers, we must set boundaries. Healthy boundaries give us agency to limit access to our time, space, energy, and emotions. The point of this is to help us stay resilient and put our needs first. To set those boundaries, we must be clear about our expectations of ourselves and others. When possible, let people know when something upsets you and makes you uncomfortable. Ask them to honor your feelings by tabling the conversation for another time. 

If you know someone is not emotionally intelligent and is resistant to change, you can limit your interactions with them. Keep your conversations light, and do not engage in low-vibrational discussions. It is up to you to accept you cannot control people and what they do to trigger you. But you can control how and when you react. If your family members don’t respect your boundaries, do what you can to create physical and emotional distance. 

Preserve Your Joy

woman getting a facial at a spa
Credit: rawpixel.com

A major step to avoid family drama is to create new traditions. Perhaps, you decide to take a trip for the holidays, or visit a spa for some needed rest and recovery. (Fun fact: most Korean spas are open 365 days a year. I went to a Korean spa on Christmas, and the line was out the door. Most offer food, soaking tubs, and places to meditate.)

You can also choose to volunteer and serve the needs of the community. Kindness and generosity go a long way and are good for our health. Whatever activity you choose, make sure it makes you feel good. You are allowed to make choices that benefit your well being and add value to your life. 

If taking a break from your family isn’t an option, there’s always eggnog… with rum. 

JOIN THE CONVERSATION