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My Wife, My Mirror: Becoming a Better Husband Through Her Image
by Taft Quincey Heatley
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August 10, 2020

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My Wife, My Mirror: Becoming a Better Husband Through Her Image

Courtesy of Taft Quincey Heatley

A new year [generally] brings new possibilities, or so several of us believe. Truthfully, many opportunities are carried over from the prior year as unfinished business or unaccomplished goals. Still, with the advent of new beginnings, we are excited about a fresh start. We recalibrate, rethink, and retool ourselves for the 365-day project of becoming better and making it happen, contingent on a case-by-case basis. Yet, I wonder how many men, including myself, view the new year as a time to push the reset button on their role and responsibility as husbands. 

Often, I hear men speak more about being present and active in the lives of their children and becoming more focused on achieving professional success. But rarely do I hear men approach the new year with a strong focus and vigor to be excellent in their marriages as husbands. In my estimation, I believe that a man can be a great father and still struggle to be a good husband. 

I believe that a man can be a great father and still struggle to be a good husband.

Courtesy of Taft Quincey Heatley

Great husbands make wonderful fathers because they are attentive to the emotional health of their wives who serve simultaneously as the mother to their children. My personal belief is that to accomplish the goal of being a good husband; the man must continuously look in the mirror and give love and respect to it. I say this because mirrors reflect the image presented to us. The one who presents the image to the mirror typically interprets what they see, but this is not the case in marriages because spouses are mirrors to one another. 

As a mirror, each spouse possesses the ability to speak, discern, and interpret the picture presented before them. In my seven years of marriage, I’ve learned that you cannot ignore your wife or become emotionally unavailable. As a husband, you cannot control the interpretation of the image that she sees. But understand your wife is the tool that God uses to shape you, and her work is beyond beautiful.

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As you look at your wife, [your mirror] resisting the urge to interpret what you think she sees, is vital. By reflecting on my very own marriage, one of the most critical factors is listening to my mirror and accepting the truth of her presentation, which has strengthened our principles of being rooted in unconditional and faithful love. 

Your wife is the tool that God uses to shape you, and her work is beyond beautiful. 

Courtesy of Taft Quincey Heatley

When love is not the impetus of the reflection, the mirror is stained and has to be cleaned. And this is where my role as a husband comes alive. There is more to just proudly wearing the title of husband. What is required of me is to listen, learn, and provide. Not solely monetarily but also pouring into her spiritually, emotionally and mentally, while serving as the conduit through which she receives the love of God. I assure you when your wife is secure in what she sees, her respect for you will flourish.

Your wife is the mirror you live in front of daily. She is human with flaws just like you, so you should have little time to critique her. Currently, as a pastor with a strong upbringing in the church, I understand that when my wife and I took our vows that I became God’s instrument to her.  But she had to first welcome me in this role through humility. When I look back on my parent’s marriage, it helped shape my interpretation of when husband and wife reciprocate the role of love and respect to one another; their union has more beauty. 

I’m speaking to all of the husbands out there. Let’s start the new year to work toward a healthy, happy marriage by committing to the improvement of becoming a great partner. Treasure your mirror and give her an image that is not self-serving, that does not maintain a record of wrongs, but preferably an image, yielding compassion, forgiveness, understanding, and respect. I’m certain by doing this, you will become one flesh — a mirror image of each other — an unstoppable force.

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