
When juggling a career, children, and simply doing the work to keep romance alive, it’s easy to overlook our individual health and even how it impacts the quality of our relationships with others. From family and friends to romantic partners and coworkers, the state of our personal well-being significantly influences the dynamics of our interactions.
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At the helm of the panel was wellness advocate and television host Tai Beauchamp, joined by Shelah Marie and Enitan Bereola. Even if attendees had not prepared to take notes prior to entering the room, I’m sure they walked away with a few because this panel of experts continuously dropped nuggets of wisdom.
Enitan, creative director and three-time bestselling author, opened with the idea that “there is a cost to the calling,” and we discovered that at the root of each individual is a nonnegotiable need to be well, to be balanced and to be whole. The panel emphasized that in prioritizing our well-being, we become more equipped to nurture and engage in meaningful connections with others but, most importantly, it strengthens the connection with self.
“Wellness is an individual journey that includes lessons, triggers, and traumas. Wellness means not betraying yourself and not going against your morals.” –Shelah Marie
The Present is a Present
Enitan introduced the idea of “being present” to the summit’s audience. As a girl from the South who grew up on Saturday morning cartoons and backyard play until sundown before being called in for dinner at the kids’ table, I had no knowledge of what it means to be present until recent years. As simple as it is, the concept is little known in the Black home. To be present is to simply live in the moment. And no, it is not the same as the YOLO mindset that permeated Black culture years ago and told our youth to simply “do you no matter the consequence.” It is the exact opposite. It is finding comfort in stillness in order to fully experience the moment and express gratitude. A lack of being present in our society is made apparent by the number of couples that are on their cell phones during date night, or those who would rather watch television during dinner instead of engaging in discussion, or those who would rather record a concert or comedy show than to engage in the moment and simply enjoy it. We’re too busy to be present. Even our minds are making plans for the future or rehashing hardships from the past than acknowledging the here and now — which is quite beautiful if we stop long enough to cherish it.
“It’s my job just to be present. Everything I desire and need is in front of me right now.” –Enitan Bereola
Defining Elements of the Daily Routine
When we invest in our physical health through regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate rest, we are more likely to have the energy and vitality needed to engage with our loved ones. Good health allows us to actively participate in family activities, social outings, and shared hobbies.
Caring for our mental health is equally vital. When it comes to health and wellness, it is imperative to create a daily routine which includes prayer, meditation, devotionals, and hiking for Tai. Similarly, Enitan spends time in prayer and devotionals but prefers to work out in the gym. “When I don’t do it, I feel off,” he said, “like something’s wrong.”
Intention-setting is also a part of Enitan’s daily routine. And before this question category was brought to a close, Shelah shared the importance of not checking her phone for at least 15 minutes after waking and how she incorporated Zumba, breathwork, and meditation into her day.
This topic was quite loaded, but don’t worry. I’m going to unpack some of it here.
Intention-setting is for those who believe that life doesn’t have to happen by chance. It is basically calling into existence the outcome of your day. You must be warned that at the root of this practice is the genuine belief that it actually works. While no one can determine how everything will go, we can anticipate positive outcomes.
For the novice intention-setters, I recommend starting small. Before heading to the grocery store, set an intention to have a close parking space. Perhaps saying aloud, “I am so grateful for convenient parking when I arrive,” will do the trick. If there is no space available at first glance, don’t panic. Wait, or take another spin around the lot and come back to it. If we’ve ever gone to Sunday school, we know that faith without works is dead. Double back in faith and claim your space. Intention-setting works!
Being a part of Enitan’s “daily” routine could mean that he also sets intentions for activities that he may have planned for that day and/or the mood or atmosphere he hopes to maintain. These declarations could range from “I am so grateful to have a peaceful, productive meeting with my staff today” to “I am so grateful to exude confidence in today’s meeting.” You are in full control of each moment of your life. However, as Black men and women, few will (or can) teach us that. We were taught that life happens, that you got it or you don’t, or that we could only pray that things happen in our favor. Intention-setting is a step up from prayer and calls into existence anything you believe you can be, do, or have.
Meditation isn’t a new topic, but how we think of it just may be. Of course, images of men and women in lotus position, legs wound like a pretzel, or Buddhist monks come to mind at the thought of meditation, but that’s far from the simplicity of the practice itself. The benefit of meditation is to quiet the mind. When flooded with thoughts, it is a challenge to have a clear sense of direction. “Should I take this job offer?” “Is relocating the best move for me?” We tend to list the pro and cons without making room to receive an answer. No decision is about compiling lists, but about having clarity and peace that comes only from sitting with it.
Meditation only requires a quiet space and time. Simply close your eyes and focus on your breath. Try to silence your thoughts or stare at an object in the room until there is no longer any thought at all. Start with ten minutes and build from there. Even if there is no “answer” to life’s pressing questions, this calming practice is sure to offer you a reset and give you the sense that all is well.
“We forget we’re actually breathing.” –Tai Beauchamp
Breathwork is similar to meditation but can be done anywhere. It requires the individual to be present in themselves and to merely focus on their breathing. There are tons of techniques to practice breathwork, but taking the time to acknowledge each inhale and exhale makes one present in the body and helps them to stay grounded. Those who are easily upset, frustrated, or anxious can make use of this simple exercise to balance emotional responses.
Be in Alignment
“I never wanted to be a writer…it was me following breadcrumbs. And it’s exciting because I don’t know where I’ll go next.” –Enitan Bereola
After a question from the audience about chasing dreams, goals, and ambitions without sacrificing self-care, Tai encouraged listeners to shift from the burnout of “hustle culture” practices and “hustle to live” instead. “Nurture the inside first. What we nurture spiritually will be born and made manifest,” she said. “Answering the call that’s within you is where you feel well.”
In the era of “I’ll sleep when I die” and “hustle culture” mindsets, we recognize that Blacks are not conditioned to prioritize self-care and rest, which perpetuates the unique challenges related to health and wellness in the Black community. Historical disparities and socio-economic factors are the basis for working hard to get ahead and abandoning rest, and to that idea, Shelah suggested that listeners “investigate the relationship between labor and self-worth.” The statement emphasized how determining our worth beyond work and what we can produce is vital to our personal well-being.
Enitan brought home the idea of not chasing your dreams, and instead aligning with your destiny. “Be present, be on assignment, and rest,” he said. And through his example, we would come to understand that a focus on personal health and wellness can boost self-confidence and self-esteem. That way, we can approach our daily interactions with self-assuredness and authenticity, which keeps us properly aligned.
Be Informed and Make Wellness a Priority
Raising awareness about the importance of health and wellness in the Black community is paramount. Knowledge is the first step to change. There are organizations like Shelah’s “Curvy, Curly, Conscious” and the “Unruly Retreat” that incorporate community-based wellness initiatives, support groups, health education workshops, meditation, and yoga into a healing getaway.
Not only is Shelah known for creating a safe space for women of color to gather, she also introduced the “crooked room” concept to summit attendees. In the “crooked room” experiment, a person walks into a space with misaligned furnishings, and observers discover that most tend to adjust themselves to align with the lopsided fixtures instead of sitting up straight or standing tall. However, they adopt the belief that they are perfectly straight. This same flawed misconception is at the root Black women’s inability to fit into a society not created in favor of them, and one that forces us to bend to other people’s perceptions of who we should be.
Who are we at our core? What fuels our passion? How do we best express ourselves? What do we desire to create? What must we uncover about ourselves to help us live more unapologetically?
“Have the awareness that you’re in a crooked room. We’re losing our community and our village. We must reimagine and redesign the room,” Shelah explained. Her eloquent clarion call echoed the space and awakened us to the expense of losing our identity to a system created to suppress it, and ultimately oppress us. Be unique, bold, stand out, know who you are, and compare yourself to no one. In the words of OutKast, “You are the prototype.”
Tipping My Hat
One way to promote well-being in the Black community is to utilize cultural celebrations and traditions as opportunities to promote health and wellness, which is what the 2023 Black Love Summit offered with this panel of dynamic speakers. Fostering individual health and wellness within the Black community not only strengthens personal well-being but also contributes to stronger, more resilient relationships. A healthier community is better equipped to face life’s challenges, offer support to one another, and build more vibrant and connected neighborhoods, and I am grateful for what’s being offered by this movement.
In conclusion, individual health and wellness are essential components of thriving relationships, and they play a significant role in the lives of the Black men and women. By recognizing the importance of these factors and taking proactive steps to improve health and well-being, we can build healthier, more fulfilling relationships, ultimately leading to stronger and more resilient communities.
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