
I’m about to share with you all what is possibly the greatest news of my life. I am 29 weeks pregnant with twins!
But let me back up.
Growing up, one of my biggest fears was not having a family. For starters, my parents divorced when I was 11, and people say you’re more likely to get divorced if that is your background. In addition, I’ve read all the stats about the alleged “Black Marriage Crisis.” To combat this feeling, I even co-created the Black Love series.
So with all of that in mind, when I became pregnant with my son Brooks, I was supremely grateful. But I was also very, very afraid. I wouldn’t let Tommy announce it before 6 months (you’ve typically cleared the miscarriage window at 3 months pregnant). And even then, I was so cautious. I didn’t drink coffee even though you can drink up to 2 cups a day while pregnant. I didn’t drink wine well into the third trimester although the occasional glass is fine. I stopped working out afraid my heart rate would go up and harm the baby. But, honestly, it all turned out great. My pregnancy was really smooth, and we have the most amazing tiny human I could have asked for. It was almost too good.
But let me tell you, I was not even trying to talk about it. Trust, I wanted more kids, but I was swamped and totally over my husband.
A friend even said that the baby was probably a girl and that she wouldn’t let me take any mess – which is why I was sticking to my guns on issues with my husband where I may have conceded in the past. I had to agree with her, this “baby” was definitely different – as was my work/home life.
I waited until 11 weeks gestation to see a doctor, and I only went then because my midwife told me that all babies grow at approximately the same rate for the first 10-11 weeks, so if you’re trying to determine an accurate due date, that’s the best time for an ultrasound. After that period, genetics take over and the growth of the fetus is impacted. So on Tuesday, May 8th, we went to get an ultrasound.
It was a good week. The night before, we had screened the first episode of Black Love season 2 for friends and family, and everyone had a great time. I was still hiding the pregnancy, though it was really, really hard. Motherly Love was airing that very night of our doctor’s appointment, which was kind of poetic given the news we were about to receive.
I swear I could see it myself, two little ovals, but I thought I was being silly. Then the doctor asks, “Is this your first ultrasound with this pregnancy?” to which I thought, “Duh, I’m pretty sure we told you that already.” (I did not say that.) I politely replied, “Um, yes.” And the nurse exclaims, “Can I tell them!?”
It takes seconds for both me and Tommy to register where her excitement is coming from, but we are still in disbelief when the doctor says, “One. Two. It’s twins.”
I won’t bore you with every emotion I felt after that. I giggled for weeks afterward, no exaggeration. Some days I still find myself just laughing at this scenario. Carrying twins has made me feel closer to my husband and closer to my Creator. They’re literally a miracle. But with that, the fear was pretty strong as well. All of the “what ifs” of one baby had become multiplied. I’ve been terrified to share this gift but also desperate to connect with twin moms and moms of three. Well, here I am, letting the cat out of the bag.
I hope you’ll indulge my motherhood musings here on BlackLove.com as I attempt surviving three kids under three, tandem breastfeeding, all the developmental milestones – and regressions, adjusting to my new body, and God-only-knows what else!
But even with the flood of unknowns, what I know for sure from the birth of my son Brooks and the surprise of two upcoming babies (at once) is that our family unit is what matters. Tommy and I have to provide them with the tools not only to succeed in the world as smart, ambitious Black men, but as loving, respectful husbands and fathers one day. That starts with us and the example we set at home. Life with Tommy and these boys has already provided me some of the most rewarding and enriching gifts of my life and I owe them everything I have to give. With that, I welcome an incredible journey as three becomes five.
JOIN THE CONVERSATION