How I Navigate Moments of Feeling Overwhelmed

I committed to “practice” some years ago the idea that the vision I had for my life would require more than the external work I saw ahead. It would require me to actively work toward becoming a man who could attain, navigate, and sustain everything I saw for myself. The problem with practice, however, is that it’s usually easier to fall out of than it is to fall into.

It had been about three months since I’d taken any kind of intentional time to pour into myself outside of the gym and at least four since I’d had my last session with my therapist before going on the hunt for a new one. Even still, I wasn’t without things to do. Between a career change, going out with friends, hurricanes, and trips I’d been planning there was no shortage of things to shift my focus (and that says nothing about the way every day this year feels like a Book of Revelations to me). Not until September did I realize I’d basically been running with my eyes fixed on my feet only to look up and realize I had no idea where I was. Not until I sat in stillness with the momentum of summer starting to dissipate, did I realize just how stressful and overwhelming things had become. I felt unanchored in every sense.

In just a few months’ time, my practices around self-love and gratitude were few and far between, and my sense of intentionality was right there with it. I had to start working back to myself, but how?

1. 1. Be Still

Sometimes this meant not working out if my energy didn’t feel right, giving myself permission to rest. Cleaning my space the way I like it and then taking time to appreciate it with a good jazz playlist. Turning down invitations, not to be rude, but to create the boundaries necessary for me to be in a relationship with myself. I can’t get back to me if I won’t prioritize and spend time with me.

1. 1. Reflect

It was easy to recognize that I felt overwhelmed, but when my friends asked for specifics all I could offer was, “Hell if I know.” In actuality, if I took the time to reflect I would’ve seen how stress from three different directions had actually compounded on top of one another. Navigating a new career field wasn’t easy and neither was shifting my career goals. Seeing family displaced after a major hurricane only added to the list, and then there’s dating (for marriage) in Los Angeles.

I realized exactly how many things were pulling my emotions and how many directions they were pulling them in. But ultimately, what mattered and has always mattered to me? Love, growth, stability, and joy. Those were the things I envisioned for my life, those were the things I was preparing myself for before pandemics, hurricanes, and capitalism shifted my focus. Now, what the hell do I do with that information? 

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1. Reground

Once I sat still long enough to think about what I was experiencing and why I thought back to when my focus was on my vision for my life. I also remembered what kept me moving in the direction of that vision. Writing was one, but the second was being more intentional about the content I consumed. Watching Black Love, for example, sets the tone for how I go about dating. It allows me to focus on the type of partnership I want, the challenges I need it to be able to endure, and the growth I need it to embrace before I focus on individuals superficially. 

The third thing that moves me in the direction of my vision is the company I keep. Do they inspire me? Do they model the characteristics I want to develop in myself? Some of the most solid people in my life have shown me what kind of husband, father, friend, and leader I want to be. Am I still being that intentional with everyone around me? If so, am I pouring into it as much as I’m taking from it?

Regrounding is about working your way back to the things that matter most to you by setting the time and mental/emotional space to do so. Committing time to the things that bring you joy and deeper understanding rather than just taking whatever the world throws at you. 

People will tell you a million times that life isn’t fair, but I’d go as far as to say that life can be incredibly difficult without the skills to bring your vision to fruition. From work to keeping up with current events, this is can be some overwhelming ish. My practice isn’t something I can afford to lose.