Let’s talk about scheduling sex! Yes, putting time on the calendar for you and your partner to get it on. It may not sound romantic, but LaToya Scott Brown, a married mom of two from NYC, says it can be more fun than you think!
Even after 10 years of marriage, LaToya is just as passionate about “sexy time” than ever before. She tells BlackLove.com that being intentional about making love to her husband at least twice a week is part of the formula that makes everyone in her house happier.
“Life is busy. You’re a mom — if you’re a working mom it’s even worse — so it’s really easy for us to think of everyone instead of ourselves,” she shares, “It makes everybody happier. He is happier for it, and there aren’t any women or energies out there that are attracting him because he gets everything that he needs within himself at home.”
LaToya goes on to say, “making sure that your husband feels desired is a really big deal.”
“I am friends with a lot of married people. You don’t really know or understand just how miserable some married people are until you really talk to them and get into it,” she says, “I tell all of my married girlfriends to initiate sex. It’s not just important to have sex at least twice a week, and twice being the absolute bare minimum, you should be initiating it.”
LaToya and her husband Andre opened up about their twice-a-week rule on Season 1 of Black Love, before the birth of their second child. Now, as a family of four, she enthusiastically says the rule still applies “more so now than ever before.”
“I needed it more during that time,” LaToya admits. “You don’t feel as attractive after you have a baby, and I felt like initiating more frequently and staying on top of our sex life sort of helped me maintain a certain part of me… a certain control over my own happiness and my own self-esteem.”
So, what exactly are the rules to making this sex schedule thing work? For the Browns, it’s all about spontaneity and getting the kids involved.
“You want to stay away from things that are too routine or too boring,” LaToya says matter-of-factly. She keeps a schedule but doesn’t share the details or dates with her husband.
“It’s something I keep for me,” she reveals. “It’s important for me to maintain that atmosphere in my relationship by always plotting and planning on him. So, he never knows on any given week what he’s going to get with me.”
For the Browns, it’s important for their kids to see them show an abundance of affection toward each other.
“They see us holding hands, kissing, and hugging,” LaToya shares. “The kids know it’s “mommy-daddy time” so we’re gonna go out to the playground. It’s important that they see us as a separate entity and not just mommy and daddy.
“You are the model for them. You are what they are going to grow up and be,” she adds. “It’s letting the kids in on the whole concept that you are individuals, not just mommy/daddy but a couple.”
Keep in mind that it does not always have to be full-blown sex. A playful make-out session or oral sex can also add intimacy and spice.
While planned sex may not work for everybody, LaToya knows it’s the right recipe for her relationship.
“This is my second marriage, so I made a lot of mistakes in my first marriage that I corrected in my second marriage. It just works for me, and we are so much happier for it.”