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Can we be real? Money is often hard to talk about. Many people aren’t taught to discuss it freely, and how could they be when society tells you that discussing money is “bad”? My first conversation surrounding money that made me feel uncomfortable was in middle school. A classmate asked me what my parents did for a living because my clothes were name-brand; she then asked if I was rich. I was the furthest thing from rich, but I didn’t have the language to express that it was hard to discuss at twelve. Cut to adulthood, and discussions about money are just as complicated. You’re taught not to share how much you make (despite financial experts saying otherwise), how much you pay in rent (even when people ask), how much your car and clothes cost, or even how much money you have in your bank account. Then one day, you meet the love of your life, get married, and you’re expected to share your lives together, but sharing your life also means sharing money..right? So how do we go let to go of our relationships with fear and develop the relationships with money that we desire?
Season 5 of “Couch Conversations” premiered August 31st on the Black Love+ app, and Episode 1, Mastering Money, doesn’t hold back when talking about money. From the nuances of how you were taught to manage money as a child to fears surrounding money and the truth of how those fears show up in marriage, hosts Ace Hood & Shelah Marie hold space for it all and share their experiences surrounding money.
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“There’s always this irrational fear that if I’m not mindful with my money or if I don’t budget properly, I’m not gonna get more.” This is a very rational response if your relationship with money hasn’t always been the best, something many people can relate to.
A recent study found that 78% percent of couples who talk about money every week say they’re happy, but only 60% of couples who talk about money every few months — and half of couples who talk about money less often — said the same thing. That shows that the more financial transparency you have, the more your chances for a happy marriage and a lasting one improve.
The Truth: How Your Spouse Views Money Will Impact Your Marriage
Each couple in Episode 1 had different perspectives on money that impacted their marriages. Khalil shared that for him, when he’s saving for a financial goal in his eyes, they don’t have any money and he essentially has tunnel vision until the goal is met. Sydney had the support of her parents, that she always viewed as a safety net, so she never worried even when things were tight. She felt the comfort of her parents in knowing that if something ever happened, they’d be able to help her out with bills financially. Both perspectives show you that how you grow up impacts your marriage, especially when you’re discussing our community.
The 2020 U.S. Census Bureau showed that 19.5 percent of Black people living in the United States are living below the poverty line in comparison to 8.2 percent of White people and 8.1 percent of Asian people. As a race, poverty isn’t a foreign concept to us, and even if you’re thriving financially, what is the financial status of your extended family? How did you grow up thinking about money? Did your parents spend money well? Were you ever evicted? Did anyone teach you how to balance a checkbook and budget? All these questions and the responses to them play a role in how you show up in your relationship managing money.
Regardless of how you grew up, you deserve to have a healthy marriage, and that includes discussions surrounding financial wellness. When Kendrick & Koereyelle experienced financial hardship when their business began to struggle, she did her best to communicate to her husband that there’s nothing he has to do by himself.
“The Black man feels like he has to handle it all, and I want him to know it ain’t nothing that you gotta do alone. Whatever it is bring it to the table, and we can talk about it. There’s nothing that we can’t do together.”
Season 5 of “Couch Conversations” is available to stream on the Black Love+ App. Learn more about each couple and watch Episode 1 here!
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