Life Lessons That Helped Mend My Wounded Heart
by Kathy Butler
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October 6, 2022

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Life Lessons That Helped Mend My Wounded Heart

Kathy Butler (Credit: @fancyfree1/Instagram)

Overcoming the wounds of abandonment caused by my biological father took years to heal, even after he died. A part of me really struggled with what felt like rejection from him and not being enough or “worth” him making different life choices. Deep down, I still needed to know why he walked away. 

One of the most painful things a child can go through is the abandonment of their father. Often characterized as daddy issues,” this type of trauma can result in:

  • low self-esteem
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • feeling unworthy of love, and
  • the manifestation of trust issues in relationships

At least that’s what happened to me. That is, until I realized the love and nurturing I desired from my biological father wasn’t absent from my life at all, it simply came in a different form. I just hadn’t realized that what I thought was missing had truly been there all along. Maybe that’s the case for many of you. Ultimately, I had to deal with it and move past it because it had ruled my thoughts and actions for far too long. So, after much prayer and a real assessment of how my life actually turned out, I realized it was God’s wisdom that allowed him to be removed from my life. I came to terms with the fact that given his “demons” and life choices, I inevitably would have experienced far more trauma with him than I did without him. I looked at my George the man who raised me, and the life he provided for me and saw that his love was indeed all that I needed. Taking that proverbial stroll down memory lane, I was able to see there was no shortage of affection, encouragement, guidance, nurturing, protection, laughter, and joy in my upbringing. I know what it was to be loved…fully. That was healing within itself.

Then, I looked at my husband and the way he loved me and made me the center of his world. I am cherished, I am needed, and I am enough. All the things that I desired from that elusive being, my husband doles out in abundance. That, too was healing. And the way he loves our children became yet another confirmation that I have always had the love of a dad in my life…my George makes sure of it. Eventually, I realized I am GOOD. Yesterday, I released a book that celebrates another important aspect of Black Love, that being Black fathers. They are not unicorns – they are present every single day in the lives of their biological and non-biological children’s lives, and we need to debunk the myths that say otherwise. “My George: A Love Letter to My Dad” is a compilation of heartwarming stories that are a tribute to the man who raised me, whom I affectionately call “George.” Each essay details how he made me feel protected, gave me a sense of belonging, and exemplified unconditional love. And how his steadfast presence, invaluable life lessons, wisdom, and unique parenting style helped heal the trauma caused by the abandonment of my biological father.

BlackLove.com Related Articles:
How We’ve Kept the Love Alive After Three Decades of Marriage
How Addressing My Generational Trauma Helped Me to be Open to Love
How My Daddy Issues Resurfaced After Seeing My Husband and Daughter’s Bond

The book was simply my way of celebrating My George and letting the world in on what he and I already knew – he is My Dad. Beyond that, I also wanted to create community and a movement for other women and girls who may have experienced some of the same issues, so they can celebrate the men in their lives who have stood in the gap to help mend the dad-size hole in their hearts as well.

 

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I pray my transparency about how My George helped mend my wounded heart illuminates a path for other girls and women who are on their own journey to heal the dad-size hole in their hearts. And if that’s you, you’ve found your tribe! But also, ask yourself, “Is there someone in my life who has loved and nurtured me the way my dad should’ve?” If so, acknowledge all the ways in which they’ve been there for you and celebrate them today! And if you’re a man who is considering stepping in to fill this void in a girl’s life, or you’ve already committed to that role, each of these stories underscores the profound impact and significance of your love, presence and guidance in her life today, tomorrow and forever. So celebrate yourself, and then share these stories to encourage others to step in and be that guiding force for another child.

Here’s what I know…I may not have been conceived through a moment of intimacy between my mom and My George, but I am absolutely certain that I was conceived in his heart. I am who I am because My George is, and has always been, a great man and My Dad.

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