Marriage in the Internet age can mean “keeping up with the Jones” on overdrive. But blacklove.com contributor Avione Lee learned exactly why “Comparison is the Thief of All Joy” in this episode of Black Love Live.

Getting married is not something I fantasized about growing up. I wasn’t one of those kids who planned her dream marriage with her friends during sleepovers. I didn’t even like sleepovers. I thought I would get married eventually (at some point, you know, after college) and then go about living a married life like my parents.

Then, while in graduate school, I met my now husband, fell in love, and got engaged. But then social media kicked in during my engagement period and I was consumed by “The Joneses.” But in this case, The Joneses weren’t next door, they were in my pocket. To “keep up with them,” all I had to do was pull out my phone and enter the Internet to see what fabulous married life they were planning on whatever site was bringing everyday weddings to the forefront of consumerism. I was hooked and wanted a married life that would grace the likes of Instagram with my wood burning stove, SMEG fridge, perfectly picked out curly fro (with a three-point crown on top), three-day sprouted rice in my bowl, and a bullet coffee in my cup.

But then social media kicked in during my engagement period and I was consumed by “The Joneses.” 

Then marriage actually happened, and I realized, man, keeping up with the Internet is just too far outside my purview; pass the Cheerios. Though, I still looked at all the pretty married pictures and wondered, is it me? Am I the lazy one that won’t book my husband and all his fellas on a surprise trip to the Super Bowl where each cover model cheerleader shoots him a wink and “Happy Birthday Boo” scrolls across the screen? Am I that bad wife? The Internet will definitely make you feel like you are.

In this regard, I could relate to Tamia Hill who opened up on her struggle to keep up with the pressures of being a basketball wife during her and Grant Hill’s Black Love Live conversation with Codie and Tommy Oliver, “Comparison Is the Thief of All Joy.” Child, ain’t that the truth.

In this Black Love Live conversation, Tamia explained being a newlywed and feeling inadequate as she compared herself to another basketball wife who seemed to do it all. She went to every game, cooked all the time, and looked fabulous to boot.

Those things were not Tamia’s forte, but looking back she realized that the couple she compared herself to is not married anymore, though she and Grant are going strong. Tamia’s takeaway was that it is really important to focus on your relationship. Don’t look at other people’s lives. What works for your grandparents, your parents, and your best friends who have been married forever is what works for them. What works for you is what works for you.

Tamia’s takeaway was that it is really important to focus on your relationship. Don’t look at other people’s lives. 

Yes! That is what I am talking about Tamia!

I wanted to high five her through the screen, because that is what I realized after unplugging. Sure, living the life of an Internet influencer could be great, it definitely looked great, but living our own quiet life at home with my coconut milk and an occasional foot massage from my boo is wonderful as well. As Grant said, “Marriage is a marathon. It is sexy to be old and grey and married for 50 years. That’s fly.” That is indeed fly, Grant.

So, taking a cue from this couple, I turned off all my Internets and learned to enjoy what makes my marriage great: me and my hubby doing our thing.