Whether you’re new to the dating scene or a seasoned vet, The Art of Dating is something to consider especially when venturing into the world of digital dating. Our friends over at BLK were excited to partner with us in expanding the conversation around The Art of Dating.
Resident Black Love dating expert, Kamali Minter, has shared tips on how to check-in with yourself once you’re on the scene to make sure that the connections that you’re making are fun, fresh, and not fraudulent. Being prepared and transparent on your dates is half of the battle and it all starts with you knowing and understanding your intentions and making sure to align with the person on the other side of the dinner table. See how to vet a potential love connection by checking in with yourself below.
You can vet potential connections by checking in with yourself about how the interactions feel on three levels:
Do I feel comfortable? Is this pleasurable?
Can I share real feeling and needs? Am I being heard? Are my boundaries being respected?
Do we have the same relationship desires? Is there good communication? Is the level of attraction mutual?
Self love and healthy boundaries help us establish a ground of emotional safety inside ourselves that allows us to be more open to the process of dating and resilient in the face of rejection or disappointment.
We may be in a space where we are good with who we are and feel worthy of being loved but just can’t seem to find someone who lives up to our standards, leaving us in a loop of being the one doing a lot of rejecting and moving on.
It’s good to have a list of qualities and values that are most important to us in a partner, to have a sense of what our deal breakers and total turn-offs are, and to know what we need from a partner to feel safe, supported, and appreciated.
But this is very different than ending a connection anytime they do or say something that you don’t like — or something more interesting shows up.
“I do think that online dating made me substantially less willing to commit to one person…If I was on a date with someone and they annoyed me, I would just turn around and text somebody else, just because I could. It started to make me scared that I couldn’t commit to a person,” Ashley confesses.