10 Dating Rules “Two Can Play That Game” Taught Us That Would Not Fly in 2021

“Two Can Play That Game” celebrates its 20th anniversary this week! While we love this classic for the endless laughs, movements of sisterhood, and chocolate (cough cough, Morris Chestnut), some of the rules our girl Shante Smith taught us, aren’t so helpful after all and, in fact — have no place in dating in 2021. With healing, effective communication, and the hope for lasting love in mind, here are the rules you shouldn’t abide by, if you want a healthy, long-lasting relationship. 

1. 1. Plant underwear at your man’s house that isn’t your size if you think he’s cheating.
      

      Please don’t do this. While the goal is to get to the bottom of the situation, you don’t do this by lying to your partner and/or trying to trap them in a lie. It’s manipulative and unhealthy. You also need to ask yourself what your end goal is. Is your end goal to discover what’s going on, or to prove to your man that he’s a liar? If reconciliation and clear communication are what you’re looking to achieve, express your infidelity concerns like an adult.

   2. When you’re doing your dirt, go to your woman’s house so she can break up her things, and you can go home.

      Yeah, fellas that’s a DV situation waiting to happen, so I’d recommend the exact opposite. While tempers flaring is a natural reaction to betrayal, do your best to make sure both parties remain calm, and no furniture or person is harmed in the process.

   3. Send your man mixed messages when you’re upset.

      Many of the cardinal rules Shante speaks to “break up with him before he breaks up with you,” “never show emotion” etc. are all mind games that have no place in a healthy relationship. While we’ve been taught love is a battlefield, it doesn’t have to be. Always remember it should be you and your partner, against the problem — not the other way around.

   4. If your man is working late, he’s cheating on you

      Now I can’t lie, while this one is at times true LOL, it’s not always. I know many men who have been accused of cheating when they are just hard workers because at times as women, we are conditioned to assume the worst. Things aren’t always this black and white; give your man some grace (but don’t be no fool either sis.)

1. 1. Never let your girlfriends know the whole situation.

      A little discretion never hurt, but at times your girlfriends can spot the yellow and red flags that you can be oblivious to. They also are there to let you know when you’re in the wrong (I know, shocker, we aren’t always right ladies I too was not ready for that reality check lol.) Let your girls know the real at your comfort level so that they can be there for you.

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1. 1. Flirt with a man in front of his friends to get his attention

      This is not only messy, but it’s also hurtful, and if you love your man, this isn’t the way to go. If the shoe was on the other foot, you’d be furious and wouldn’t want the same done to you.

1. If you want your man back, punish him.

   Your man is not a child that needs to be punished; he’s a person who even at his worst, deserves honestly from you (even if that honesty is you know what, I can’t do this anymore.) I get that naturally, we want to punish people when they hurt us, but it’s not only immature; it’s not our call to play judge and jury. If you need space, take it and stand firm on your boundaries, but punishment isn’t the way to go.

2. Pop up at your man’s house after a break-up.

   Can we normalize that popping up is not okay? Not only is this not safe, but it’s also not wise for you to pop up because you might see something that will hurt your feelings. Everyone processes breakups differently, and if you’re coming over to make up while the next girl is there, who knows what might go down once you show up. It’s not worth your energy; if he wants to see you, he will ask.

3. You must do strange things to get your man to behave.

   While I agree that people learn how to treat you based on what you tolerate, your man is not a child or a dog that needs to learn how to behave. He’s a person that needs to understand your boundaries, non-negotiables, and how you love. And if you decide to play games with him instead of communicating, you won’t get the results you’re looking for.

4. A 10-day program will make your man commit to you

   

   The romantic comedy’s ending proved this theory to be very wrong, but I have to say again, do not try this at home. The only thing that will make a man commit is a man who wants to commit.

Movies can bring nostalgia and even inspire us to take chances on love, but as we have more information, we should make room for conversations on healthy relationships and managing expections. Have you watched Two Can Play That Game or any Black rom coms we hold dear recently? Share your thoughts if you have in the comments!