We can all agree, dating in 2020 can and has been difficult. The dating culture has changed extensively with the pervasiveness of social media, online dating apps, which spawned such behaviors as catfishing, ghosting, breadcrumbing, and orbiting, to name a few. Even though there are legitimate concerns, if your outlook on dating is full of negativity, anxiety, frustration, or avoidance- it’s a tell-tale sign, it’s time to call in the pros.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist and dating coach, I know how meaningful romantic relationships are to the human experience. With more than 12 years of experience, I’ve worked to help both men and women overcome dating fears and heal emotional wounds to find that special someone. If you’re contemplating whether or not you need a dating coach, grab a pen and a pad because I’m offering the top signs, it may be time to hire a pro that can help you in your search for love.
Hiding behind work or a busy schedule
This is often an unconscious pattern, especially with my boss babes and power players. It’s okay to derive pride and esteem from being driven, but you may be hiding behind your schedule to avoid other important life goals and needs. It’s essential to make space for the things that are important to you. It’s also a way to tell the universe you’re open and ready to receive that special someone.
A thin line between over-investing and shutting down
You’ve gone from swiping on numerous apps with excitement about an attractive partner, and giving your all to a potential relationship to then rolling your eyes, complaining to friends, and deleting any trace of dating from your life. This pattern isn’t because dating is hard. It’s a sign you haven’t been able to strike a healthy balance between being present for love interests and managing the other capacities in your day-to-day.
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The fear of rejection and exposing vulnerabilities
The reality is none of us like being told, “NO,” and we instinctively avoid situations where that’s a possibility. But that’s playing it small! Although putting yourself out there is a risk, think about when you find love- that’s a big win. Investing in mindset work to change your thought process about rejection is life-changing.
I tell my clients- there’s no such thing as rejection! That’s a big statement, but for the most part, when you’re in the early stages of dating, and someone decides to discontinue the pursuit, you barely have any evidence to know the factors that went into their decision. Remember, in non-serious relationships, you don’t owe people a nuanced, thoughtful, or transparent reason for deciding this isn’t for you. But if you feel the need to, that is your prerogative. If this is a fear that’s holding you back, a dating coach can help shift your focus to own your power. While also helping you to feel more comfortable about exposing your vulnerabilities.
Dismissing potential matches too soon
It’s okay to be picky in your selections, but being excessively critical sets the tone for infrequent matches. It also predicts disappointment once you’re in a relationship. Fault-finding is often a defense mechanism people use to avoid taking a more in-depth look at themselves to reject others before they face rejection. If you do meet someone who checks every single box once you’re together, you’ll begin finding new things you don’t like and potentially drive an amazing partner away. A dating coach can help you decipher between good standards versus arbitrary and self-sabotaging demands.
Continually attracting and entertaining the wrong partners
If a bunch of red flags feels like Six Flags, then you need a professional to help you get off the roller coaster! Here’s the thing, toxic people will try it. But the difference is: some people entertain their BS, while others close the door and move on. Some people’s BS detector is finely tuned that they don’t even open the door. If you’ve been allowing a toxic lover to enter your life and can’t seem to get rid of the drama, call a coach. You need support to recognize your part, identify the red flags, and shift into a healthy love life.