How have you mastered being on the same page? This question hails from the audience for the couples, and the couples were all in full agreement that they are still on that journey. Yes, communication is key, but crystal-clear communication is better. LeToya said “I’m an artist, I paint pictures when I speak. I want you to see clearly…so I don’t have to say this no more!” And, as important as communicating clearly is, it’s just as, if not more important, to have both parties willing and wanting to receive it. As for mastery, Tommi said, “I don’t think you ever master it.”
LeToya even admitted that sitting on the Black Love series couch for their interview, she heard some things during the experience that she hadn’t heard from Tommi before. And that new level of knowledge and intimacy turned her on. She recalls that, after the Black Love series taping, the couple had a date night and “did some real nasty things!”
But what about the lone single guy on the panel? Terrence J was on a panel previously discussing his interest in settling down and the hurdles he needs to overcome. Codie asked Terrence J how he felt after getting an inside look into the struggles of real marriages.
His answer? Without hesitation, Terrence J responded: “The benefits outweigh the negatives!”
Terrence J opened up and revealed his desire to be married. LeToya asked about the work he was doing as a single man looking for a wife. Terrence, who has been open to the idea of couple’s therapy when two people were in a relationship, never considered therapy as a single. The panelists conveyed the idea of therapy being a nutrient in our relationships whether it be the one with ourselves or our partners.
Tommy compared it to working out, which Terrence J does regularly. People exercise as self-care, and the more you do it, the better you get at it. Being physically fit not only promotes a more physically healthy life, but it also is a preventative measure against physical injury. Therapy serves the same purpose for mental and emotional well-being. Codie took that time to tell her husband, Tommy, “I would like to go to counseling more!”
As the conversation developed, Terrence J realized that he too had been affected by his father’s absence from his life, and, more importantly, his mother’s conversations with him around his father’s absence. He left thinking of how therapy could strengthen his understanding of himself. LeToya appealed to Terrence J not to “allow fear to lead you.”
Related: Men on Vulnerability and Dating at the 2019 Black Love Summit
“She is next!” LeToya said in reference to Terrence J’s next relationship being his wife.