Dear Tonya, You Were Made to Mother
by Tonya Rapley



May 7, 2019


4 Minute Read


Dear Tonya, You Were Made to Mother

Black Love contributor and Founder of My Fab Finance Tonya Rapley-Flash sends a message to her younger self about what motherhood would eventually bring her way.

Courtesy of Tonya Rapley

Dear Tonya,

You are afraid and rightfully so. You’ve seen the statistics and people keep sharing them with you: Black women are three to four times more likely to experience a pregnancy-related death than White women. As if the prospect of risking your life doesn’t scare you, the changes you are about to experience do as well.

Will you be good at mothering? Will you lose yourself? Will he be “healthy”?

And then when he gets here, you have to keep him alive in a world that undervalues Black bodies. Black infants in America are now more than twice as likely to die as White infants.

Courtesy of Tonya Rapley

All of your life, you’ve heard statistics and decided that you create your own reality, and this is no different. You know that voice you heard during meditation? Your ancestors telling you to remember who you are? Never forget that.

You are here because your ancestors survived. Their DNA is present in you and does not stop at your genes, it courses through your spirit.

To be honest, this little boy is lucky. He’s lucky to have a mother who loves him so much. You planned for himYou ordered your finances and your business so that you could make space for him in your life. You loved him before you even conceived him. You made him a priority the day you found out you were pregnant yet did not stop. You delivered international keynotes. You published a best-selling book. You recorded a podcast. You spoke at Essence Fest. You traveled the country as a spokesperson. You generated more income for your business than ever before all while carrying him.

Courtesy of Tonya Rapley

Your life will change though. His first days on this earth, you’ll wonder if you were cut out for this, and you are. You will begin to understand him in ways others can’t, and he will learn to understand you. You two will fall into a beautiful dance and his innocent gaze will melt your heart. Your breast will “cry” at the sound of his cries. His small, soft hands will cradle your face and you will stare at him through the night and question why you were ever afraid that a child so beautiful could negatively impact your life. Nothing will matter but your love for him, a love that will give birth to a new fear, a fear of experiencing this life without him.

You were made to mother. You were made to succeed. You are in alignment with your purpose and you are love. Your life is a reflection of all of the love you are surrounded by, and this same love will envelop Karris and support him as he thrives alongside you.

Tonya, my dearest, no matter what never forget who you are and whose you are. And we got you. You got you.