Time shifted that perspective and actually showed me that my “goals” were based on past trauma and life experiences, not on the life that I actually wanted for myself. At the end of the day, I wanted love.
If you understand anything about modern technology, you know that thousands of people are scrolling and clicking to find “the one,” but I actually wonder how many of them are truly looking for love. Love is not a person, but instead a spiritual shift that changes the plane you exist on by shifting your spiritual being. In my experience, love was a strategic checkbox. It was a person I would find when my career was going well and I could carve out a neat section of my life for that person to fit into. We would find a home, combine our finances, build a retirement fund, and then focus on having children in strategic increments as not to stretch beyond what was fiscally sustainable. Shit was crazy, but if I look at myself with the same empathy I aspire to hold for others, it was a focused response to what I had seen as my biggest challenge growing up – money.