With the recent, tragic loss of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and the other victims in the fatal crash, it has brought some of us here yet again. A community enwrapped in the shared experience of love and loss through death. Because of our limited understanding of grief, many of us don’t believe we have the right to grieve in this capacity. Has our mourning been disenfranchised?
Disenfranchised grief is grieving the loss of someone that we often don’t believe we have a legitimate reason to experience triggered emotions. One of the universal complexities is there is no typical way or reason to grieve. Even acceptable losses become complex when we lose people in ways that are deemed unacceptable. But there is no casserole you can whip up in the kitchen and pass along to express your condolences when you lose someone you don’t know. So how do you move forward and address the validity of your sorrow?
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I would encourage you to focus on what you are feeling and take time and make space to tune into your needs of experiencing something very real to you. A little soul searching is required by reflecting and sitting with your intimate thoughts. Creating space for disenfranchised grief requires an understanding that your pain is significant and valid, even if others just don’t get it. Know for yourself that the things that hold space in your mind deserve your attention.
Engage in activities and outlets that allow you to honor the memory of the person or thing that you are grieving. Despite who or what you are lamenting, feeling the wave of emotions is a natural part of the process. By acknowledging your own worthiness to experience, your sensitivity to the situation is a useful first step in healing from the pain of loss.
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