Editors Note: After being swindled by her narcissist ex-husband, which caused her to lose nearly everything, including her sanity, Shareza J tells her story in her new book “Successful Women Get Played Too; Mastering the Art of Owning Your $#!+ Keepin’ Your $#!+ and Keepin’ it Movin’ Through This Journey,” Shareza grew to understand that most life experiences are meant to prepare us for the limitless life we so deserve which is why she’s not afraid to love again. Today, Shareza shares her personal story with Black Love.
Life Happens
What I failed to realize is that my happily Ever After starts and ends with me.
Unfortunately, I was the right woman, just for the wrong man. With that understanding, I refuse to give up on love and falling in love again. The thought of risking my heart again was terrifying and insane. I was like, “Girl, go get your high rise on the beach and do you. You don’t have time for no relationship; this was it.” In essence, those were the only words that you say to yourself during your healing journey.
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Heartbreaks are a bit much and can cause PTSD and all sorts of self-doubt. As I began to heal, I also began to be honest with myself. I was meant to LOVE. I deserve to be loved, and I desire to give love. I desire intimacy and companionship. Just because I gave myself to the wrong person doesn’t mean I should deprive myself of true love.
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You Live and Learn
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. I realized risking my heart again wasn’t insane. In fact, choosing to love again is healthy, and we should be open to the possibility of loving again. You live and learn, and this time around, I decided that I would focus on my own needs instead of what I think I should provide for someone else. Yes, in the game of love, you are required to be selfless right? Wrong. There is nothing wrong with being a bit selfish. I believe as you become selfish, meaning putting yourself first, you can then become selfless in your relationship and contribute to the happiness of others/your mate. The more I healed, the more I knew I wanted to love again. I took care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
Don’t Allow Bad Relationships to Change Your Heart
I survived every loss I have experienced. BUT THIS ONE, I thought could be the one to take me out. Not only was it devastating as it relates to matters of the heart, but I also nearly lost my entire livelihood and freedom amid it. In complete transparency, I could have lost my life. So why am I not afraid to do it all again?
When my marriage ended, I could have been blinded by the pain or focused on how I benefitted from the marriage and expressed gratitude for that thereof. I looked at the domino effect. While the outcome was negative, the personal growth, personal relationships, and knowledge gained throughout was all beneficial to my next chapter. There was no way I would sulk in misery. I have always considered myself a good person, and this was not going to change who I was and/or what I deserved.
You Deserve Love, and It Deserves You
I’m ready to love again because I know I am worthy of love. Loving another is worth the risk. Love intensifies our gratification of the world and life itself. I believe love enhances our character and helps elevate us into our higher self. If we allow it, it creates compassion not only for our loved ones but having the natural compassion for all. I don’t want to leave the earth with a bitter taste as it relates to love just because someone wasn’t able to love me the way I deserved. I think the greatest benefit of opening myself up to completely loving again without fear is that I have learned to fall in love with myself all over again. NOW, WHO WOULD BE AFRAID OF THAT????
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