Fortunately, fertility was never an issue for me. In fact, I took on the name “Fertile Myrtle” because my first born was a honeymoon baby and three years after that we “planned” my second pregnancy. Despite this being a blessing…
There is something innately beautiful about loving and caring for a child birthed by someone else and having the opportunity to love them as your own.
Fortunately, fertility was never an issue for me. In fact, I took on the name “Fertile Myrtle” because my first born was a honeymoon baby and three years after that we “planned” my second pregnancy. Despite this being a blessing…
What proved to be challenging was the process of bringing a child home and blending our family via adoption.
A lot of the adoption search was done through websites that are similar to online dating sites. You go through and click on preferred options like the age, gender, and ethnicity of a child. But, more importantly, there is a section where you can select the trauma that you’re willing to “handle” ranging from children with ADHD to those that may be severely handicapped. It was a lot, sometimes overwhelming, and at the end of the day, it can become as obsessive as checking social media hourly. Constantly logging on to see if new profiles were added or if any of the children in our favorites had been adopted. At times we even played around with the criteria selections to be less restrictive in finding a matching in hopes that it would yield more children in our search results.
We did this until we got “the call.”
Shortly after the interview, we were informed that we were not selected.
After receiving that devastating news, I cried the entire 4-hour drive home while venting to my husband about my overwhelming sense of hurt and, paradoxically, happiness. I was sad for obvious reasons, but I was happy that this child was going to get out. It was his turn to have a chance at life where he would no longer be a ward of the state. He was going to be adopted before the age of 8 which is critical since after that children “age out” and are less likely to be adopted because there are less people willing to adopt older children.
Unfortunately, my happy thoughts were quickly overtaken by thoughts of hurt.
Over the next year, I still would look at the child’s photo and wonder about his happiness, whether or not he lived in a safe neighborhood, attended a great school, or whether or not he went to a church with people that look like him. Eventually, I realized that I had to let him go, so I just prayed he was well. Once I reached that point, I slowly began logging back into my adoption matching site to see if there were any new children added that fit our family — a boy between the ages of 3 and 7 that may have dealt with mild trauma. We were told by our case managers that our chance of getting a child in that age range was slim to none and that we should consider fostering. We were told that if a child makes it to the website it is typically because they have major trauma or are older.
Despite odds not being in our favor, I kept scrolling through profiles, clicking on photos, looking at videos and wondering what the quality of life was like for each child. I decided to increase the number of siblings to two and increased the age from 8 to 9. We did not initially desire to adopt two children, I just wanted to see what the search would return.
The following days were filled with conversations between my husband and I about whether or not we could handle two new children at the same time and how that dynamic would affect our children who were 3 and 6 at the time.
We eventually decided to reach out to their caseworker a week later to see if we’d get a response. We did.
We interviewed to be the parents of these beautiful souls for two months and were selected to be their forever home despite encountering lot of hurdles and navigating through Department of Child Services. We had conversations with our children and extended families, bought beds and essentials, and submerged ourselves with information about the new children that would help us all transition more smoothly.
On June 6, 2015, we became a family of six.
Though we blended our family through adoption just three short years ago, it seems like an eternity ago. Many people that meet us don’t know that we adopted. Not because it’s a secret, but not only do people see happy children, they see all four kids as our children.
The truth is, adoption is not for the faint of heart. It is not for families who don’t have a strong family support system, a stable foundation or a willingness to face challenges and problem solve. Adopting children should be an intentional decision in the same way that selecting your partner is.
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