Riding the pony, rolling in the hay, gettin’ to the honey hole, and getting it on. We have many colorful ways to talk about sex, but when was the last time you actually talked about sex? What’s expected, what’s normal, what works for you, and what works your partner?  Many would consider sex to be an essential element to a successful relationship. With all the hoopla around getting down with the get down, blacklove.com wanted to get to the truth behind closed doors.

We conducted a survey where we asked married men all about sex. Their responses were honest, insightful, direct and to the point. We thank all the men who joined the discussion.

In a separate survey, Black Love also asked married women all about sex to see how their answers compared.

Sex and Married Men

*Yes, we changed their names

What do you think a normal sex life entails?

Mark, Dallas, 36, Married 10 years, Together 12, 2 Kids
When I was younger, normal was any moment, anywhere, anytime. As I’ve grown, normal means on vacation or a quickie on date night.

Jared, 37, San Francisco, Married 10 years, Together for 14, 2 Kids
Being intimate and connecting with my wife emotionally, physically, and soulfully.

Lewis, 34, Los Angeles, Married 3 years, Together 4, 1 Kid and 1 On the way
I have different standards for “normal”…but it should entail surprise nudity in the kitchen.

Like she says, “Hey babe, can you help me grab the cinnamon from the top shelf?” And then I walk in the kitchen to find her naked, smiling…and wanting my body. It doesn’t have to always be the kitchen where the surprise nudity occurs, but sex should be as necessary as drinking water – you don’t always want it, but it’s good for you. Sex is water for the marriage.  

How has sex changed for you in your relationship?

Mark, Dallas, 36, Married 10 years, Together 12, 2 Kids
Kids change everything.  There is limited alone time and hectic schedules. We had sex 3 to 5 times a week at the beginning of our marriage and 2 to 4 times a month now.

Mitchell, 52, Atlanta, Married 30 years
It has gotten better as we learned each other’s bodies over the years and how to satisfy each other rather than just having sex. Also, with being together for so long, we try to be creative so it’s not just the same old thing every time.  We have sex once or twice a week.

Lewis, 34, Los Angeles, Married 3 years, Together 4, 1 Kid and 1 On the way
Not as frequent. Not as random/spontaneous (i.e., while scrambling eggs on a Sunday). It has become more routine, and lacks lingerie. Now it involves repetitive use of cotton night gown outfits.

Mike, 37, Los Angeles, Married 4 years, Together 9, 1 Kid
It’s more like an appointment now, almost has to be scheduled.  We used to have sex everyday, now it’s less than twice a month.

Allen, 37, Atlanta, Married 2 Years, Together 4, 2 Kids
It hasn’t!

 

Do you talk about sex with your partner?

Lewis, 34, Los Angeles, Married 3 years, Together 4, 1 Kid and 1 On the way
Yes.  Because I want to to stay at the forefront of her mind.

Butch, 40, Brooklyn, Married 5 years, Together 7, 2 Kids
I did, it went nowhere, so I left it alone.

Mike, 37, Los Angeles, Married 4 years, Together 9, 1 Kid
Not very often.  Not sure why, it just hasn’t been something we’ve talked about lately.

Mitchell, 52, Atlanta, Married 30 years
Yes we talk about sex because over the years, as we change and mature, our bodies and state of mind [change], along with our sexual needs.

Jared, 37, San Francisco Married 10 years, Together for 14, 2 Kids
Yes, to fulfill each other’s needs and connect.

 

Do you ever feel pressure to have sex?

Butch, 40, Brooklyn, Married 5 years, Together 7, 2 Kids
I wish.

Kalvin, 39, Houston, Married 10 years, Together 11, 3 Kids
My wife does sometimes.

Marvin, 39, Miami, Married 4 Years, Together 6, 3 Kids
Sometimes, not often.

Lewis, 34, Los Angeles, Married 3 years, Together 4, 1 Kid and 1 On the way
No pressure, but I do feel the desire.

 

Thanks for sharing!  And to see the women’s survey results, please click here.