The holidays are a time of joy for most. It's when we come together with family and friends and celebrate. However when we have lost someone we have loved, the holidays are not JUST the holidays. Sometimes the grief feels like it is fighting with the joy of the season. Karega and Felicia share just what this third year holiday season without Kamaiu on this plane is like and how navigating it with a very joyous Kamali looks like. Plus how has it changed on the journey to here. Afterall, grief isn't linear. Just like the season it is full of changes, moments, and requires reflection.

There's just something special about being connected to your people. We all get to decide who those people are. Relatives, chosen family, and in this instance, Karega Felicia mean their fellow Hampton Alums. It was homecoming and the trip not only allowed them the room to explore what being around other Black people and going to an HBCU meant to them, but what that community has meant to them since graduating.

Black men, it's time to get real with each other. Wellness, selflove, finance, nutrition these are just a few topics Black Love Inc General Manager David Wasicki will be bringing to the forefront in Man to Man A Black Love Wellness Series. Each week the topics will change, but the insights lessons gained from Black men of all walks of life will remain constant. Man to Man serves as a platform for men to get reallife insight directly from notable, successful men who lead with the honesty and vulnerability that Black Love is known for. Toxic masculinity. What is it? Is it really an issue or is it some buzzword? We brought in two brothers to have a conversation about masculinity in all forms, but especially centered around being Black men Karega Bailey, artist, educator, and angel father, and King Jay Barnett, author, speaker, and mental health therapist. Perhaps more important than the question of what is toxic masculinity is how do we acknowledge behavior that is toxic that seems to be consistently perpetrated by men? Honestly, there are so many questions and points asked that this is only one piece of the framework necessary for healing. But we have to start somewhere, and this is a great start with two phenomenal men.

As we move into the last quarter of the year Karega reflects on slowing down and finally allowing himself to feel all the things. It's easy to get caught up in time as you push through the front half of the year, but in this period it seems almost necessary to talk stock. More importantly, it is okay to allow ourselves to take those moments and actually pause and feel all the things we've put off to the side for the sake of moving forward. Listen in as the Baileys process in real time their very real emotions around felling and acknowledging their grief in real time, even as everything around them seems to be continuing on, and why we all deserve those moments to feel.

Grief is on going and ever changing. It is easy to get stuck in a very real fatigue of grief. There is this notion that going full force into will get you over it and Karega and Felicia have realized that such is not the case. Listen in as the couple processes the challenge of moving through grief as it shifts with time. What realizations have they arrived at in this point in year three of Kamaiu's double transition? Does it get easier?

Felicia and Karega reflect on how Kamaiu's 3rd birthday looked so much different than her first two. As a family trip gave room for not only reflection into what the family unit looks like now that Kamali is here, but in how they now acknowledge Kamaiu as she shows up differently than she had in the past. Angel parenthood is constantly changing and adjusting and there is always beauty in the reframe.

Angel parenthood comes to everyone differently, and everyone processes uniquely. Karega and Felicia first came to know of Heather and Demitri Wilson when they were invited to be guest speakers at their event, The Angel Ball. It was then that they came to know their story. Seven years after losing their daughter Kennedy on August 17, 2009, the idea of sewing burial gowns for infants came to Heather Wilsons mind. Kennedy didnt have an appropriate or properly fitted gown for her burial, but Heather hoped others didnt have to face the same problem. Dedicating herself to sewing angel gowns and together helping others in their time of grief is the best way the Wilsons keep the memory of Kennedy alive. Listen in as Heather and Demitri share not only what keeping Kennedy's memory alive does for their grief, but how they continue to process and honor her today and always.

On September 30th, 2019, Karega and Felicia became Angel Parents to a beautiful BabyBaileyGirl named Kamaiu SOL. Happy 3rd Birthday Kamaiu.

When trying to share how one is dealing or processing grief there is always the fear of misunderstanding. At least this has been true for Felicia. There was a fear that when she shared her story on Black Love Doc that folks wouldn't understand. There's the fear that when people hear short clips of the podcast people will jump to their own conclusions and misunderstand. It's a real fear that when paired with the weight of grief is overwhelming. This week, Felicia and Karega process in real time what those experiences have taught them, and how they have grown from them.

How does one find gratitude in loss? In the hardest of moments? Continuing their reflections in their month of miracles and wonder Karega and Felicia reflect on how the meaning of gratitude has shifted for them since Kamaiu's double transition and how they continue to find ways to experience it.

I honor my reality and the heart work it requires to embrace my truth. I do not have to escape my feelings or rise above them. They are true and I will let them be true. What happens when the disbelief of manifestation holds true? When one cannot honor the truth of what they have done because the grief will not allow them to embrace their truth? Felicia and Karega share what emotions from all directions look like and how creating room for love allows for true honoring of the heart work.

Peace good people! Karega, Felicia and Kamali and finishing up their month long vacation but didn't want to leave you hanging. As they travel back home they wanted to share their friend and fellow Black Love Podcast Network family member Charisse Sims' podcast Parenting for the Culture! Charisse is an educator, PBS Early Learning Champion, and a mama of six so she knows a thing or two about raising kids. Charisse is all about conscious parenting, and if you don't know what that is, well Parenting for the Culture is a good place to start!

There's something about grief that has a way of building connections. There is a community in grief as the process, while unique to each individual and situation is a universal concept. During Karega and Felicia's deepest period of grief they found the music of Rexx Life Raj . His lyrics connected to their experiences in a way that they couldn't necessarily find words for at the time. Nor did they think that others shared certain aspects of their grief experiences until they heard Rexx mention it. Today, Karega and Felicia sit down with Rexx Life Raj to discuss his music, grief, community, and all that comes with it.

This week Karega and Felicia discuss the grieving of the person you once were. Listen in as both share how so much loss and newness has allowed them to appreciate what the past has taught them and not needing to define what is next to come.

This week Karega and Felicia discuss the importance of rest. Listen in as both share how rest has forced them to acknowledge how important it is. Because ultimately, there is no affirmation that can replace rest.

Grief can manifest itself in a many ways, especially when someone is taken from us too soon. Today, Karega and Felicia discuss how they spent their weekend with mothers who have lost their children too soon. What they discovered is that these strong black women, who have experienced such tragedies, still find a reason to be joyous even though they carry such pain everyday. Karega speaks on how he is in awe of these mothers, including his very own wife, because of the strength they have shown through so much adversity. He realizes that grief doesn't only have to be a weight around your neck, but can also be the very thing that saves you.

We all know that nothing lasts forever but, for a 2 year old like Kamali, you have nothing but time. Today Karega and Felicia discuss their recent trip with Kamali to Atlanta to visit close friends. While traveling, Karega experienced a series of moments with Kamali that caused him to reflect on the fact that even though Kamaili is only two, there are things, as she gets older and matures, that she won't ask him or Felicia to do any more. The great thing about Kamali, even though she is growing everyday, she always finds ways to bring Karega and Felicia in the present to remind them that while time doesn't stop, being present in the moment allows them to appreciate those times before they are gone.

Your thoughts and self talk can have very powerful effects on your mental and spiritual health. Karega and Felicia both reflect on what it means to slow down and take time for themselves. Karega, more specifically, speaks on how important it is to not only take care of his physical well being but his spiritual well being so he can be there for Felica, Kamali and others. Felicia and Karega also chat about motivating each other and how they can look to their community for inspiration in order to make sure they are feeding the mind, body and spirit.

The heavy rainy season has Karega thinking about seasons, restarts, harvests and what growth should look like. To go even deeper, what he thought his growth should look like after everything he went through. Seeds and fruit and even the trees have shown him that growth does not look the same and neither does our growth. Especially our growth through grief. Having patience for ourselves is key as we do not all grow the same way.

Kamali celebrated her second birthday last week ! and while there was much to celebrate, there was also a period of reflection. Felicia and Karega take a moment to discuss the parallels between those who came through for them in this period of celebration and those who were there for them during their period of grief. Perhaps just as important, how different it is to be in this specific moment with a child earthside versus being parents of a child in heaven.