Made in Partnership with
The other morning, I woke up, took care of my morning routine, and immediately opened both of my laptops — and my phone — ready for another day of grinding. About an hour later, my husband Ben kissed me, and in that moment, I realized that I had grumbled, “Good morning” on my way to the bathroom, but I hadn’t focused on him because my mind was preoccupied with the business of life. If you know, you know, relationships hit differently before the surge of social media, which is why I’m glad we met and married before we could chronicle our lives on multiple public platforms. It gave us a chance to establish who we were as a couple without the pressure of public admiration or scrutiny.
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Season 5 of “Couch Conversations” Returns With Hosts Ace Hood & Shelah Marie!
Similar to the three couples — Ace Hood & Shelah, Kendrick & Koereyelle, and Kwaku & Sybil — on Season 5, Episode 2 of Black Love’s “Couch Conversations,” Ben and I are literally yin and yang when it comes to being public vs. private. He will socialize, but he’s not one to initiate interaction unless it’s necessary, which is partly how he complements my exuberant energy. It’s ironic that he is the one who encouraged me to join social media because he is significantly more private than I am. I was a proud social butterfly even before social media existed, so for me, it serves as a way for me to exchange information and stay connected with family and friends while also building my brand.
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A huge misconception about public figures is that we post/share everything, yet there are many moments known only by me and the one I hold closest. Even the most visible people are private in their own way, and accessibility to our lives can be denied with a few clicks. I am notorious for blocking those who no longer deserve to experience my big Aries energy. I share the highlights of my life, and there are spans of time when I am a ghost because I need to disengage and decompress.
As a multimedia storyteller, I bring authenticity, vulnerability, and transparency online and in real life. I am who I post to be; there’s no facade. I can be the mature auntie with boundless wisdom, and I can also be the crazy cousin who will cuss you out and later get Jesus on the mainline. I pride myself on connecting those who can benefit from each other, as I often engage with people from various backgrounds. Most times my interactions with my followers and supporters are positive, but healthy debates can go from sugar to sh–, which has sometimes led to my husband to come out of his private shell and let them know he ain’t the one to allow disrespect of his wife. It’s one of many risks that come with my public persona, and it’s taught me to be more strategic with my social media presence. We both ride or die for each other and I appreciate how he keeps me grounded.
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While Ben is not into posting selfies and pics of brunch, he doesn’t mind flirting with me on social media; we’re proud that we still have passion like fire in our 20+ year relationship. He’s what some may describe as “publicly private.’ The belief that hiding your significant other from social media “protects” your relationship (not referring to new relationships), is a mental illusion. If a relationship is solid, it’ll withstand trials in real life and from social media. Since audacity is at an all-time high, I’m more intentional about reinforcing boundaries for myself and my family. I unfollow and sometimes block people who kill my vibe because my joy is a choice.
Also, I keep myself involved just enough to be aware of current events; instead of fear, I embrace the joy of missing out as I’m learning to be secure with celebrating silence. Every event doesn’t require my attendance; sometimes I will support simply by sharing the host or organizer’s announcement. At my big age, financial security is a must, and the best way to save money is to sit down somewhere — at home. A summer day on our patio with drinks and music while my boo barbecues is top-notch.
One of our favorite things to do together is ride near the waterways around our hometown of Detroit. We both crave calming space away from the distractions of adulting. There were times in the past when we argued about my oversharing on social media, and I still post some zingers, but I’ve grown significantly in that area. Ben has grown to show me grace because he understands the dreams and goals we’re striving to achieve as individuals and as a couple. I enjoy being known as a public personality, but the demands and expectations have taught me to be grateful to wake up beside the love of my life in real-time, no edits or filters. The private moments we share are what matter the most.
Season 5 of Couch Conversations is available to stream on the Black Love+ app.
Learn more about each couple and watch Episode 2 here!
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