Our conversation was going just fine until Danielle said, “Often times as children, dominant Type 1’s had some experience of not feeling good enough.” That one stung a little, but I told myself that I’m sure a lot of people experience that. She followed it up with, “When they’re in a stressful situation, they feel pressured to bring some positive change driven by a fear of being bad and a deep desire to be good and valued.” Could I technically claim that I was blindsided by this? I mean, I looked at the test results and I know I’m always having these conversations with other people. Somehow, still, this explanation shed light on A FEW dark places.
In the past month, I had been frustrated at work and spending an unhealthy number of hours studying and applying marketing strategies and resources. Why? Because I didn’t think my work was good enough. While visiting family for Thanksgiving, I stood awkwardly as family members asked what I had been up to, knowing that this was one of their few chances to ask me, seeing as I rarely make the 45-minute trek home. It made me uncomfortable, but I wasn’t completely sure why until I brought it up with my mom on the way home — “I don’t feel like I’m doing enough.”
The natural conclusion that people draw when they read these statements is “Oh, maybe you’re just not confident in yourself.” Let me assure you that, what sometimes lives beneath “I’m not good enough” is “I know I’m good, but I don’t want to be good. I could be excellent. I should be excellent.”
This only teaches you to skip over the things you’re doing well and shift your focus to a new problem to be fixed. Anyone leading a team, whether a sports team or a business team, can tell you that if you only focus on the problems, you won’t get your team very far. This was my other dilemma as a Type 1 — I’m apparently naturally gifted with the ability to spot a problem. My specialist, however, took a second to reassure me that what I was seeing as negatives could certainly be used for my benefit.
In moderation…
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