Engagement is supposed to be a joyous time filled with love, excitement, and the promise of a future together. But what happens when those happy feelings are overshadowed by doubts, toxicity, or uncertainty? 

If you find yourself questioning your engagement, it might be time to consider whether calling it off is the best decision for you. This isn’t just about making a tough call; it’s about prioritizing your well-being and future happiness.

Toxic relationships can manifest in many ways, from constant arguing and emotional manipulation to more subtle forms of control and negativity. Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis, a clinical psychologist and professor at Pepperdine University, emphasizes the significance of recognizing these red flags early on. In her book, “Thriving in the Wake of Trauma: A Multicultural Guide,” she says, “Recognizing toxic patterns in relationships is crucial for mental health. It’s important to prioritize your well-being over societal expectations” .

For Black couples, the pressure to stay in a relationship can be even more intense due to cultural and societal expectations. There’s often a sense of duty to make things work, especially when family and community are involved. However, staying in a toxic relationship for the sake of appearances or tradition is never worth the toll it takes on your well-being.

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Trusting Your Instincts

Doubt is a natural part of any relationship, but when it becomes a persistent feeling that you can’t shake, it’s worth examining. Psychotherapist and relationship expert Nedra Glover Tawwab advises on social media, “Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it’s important to listen to that inner voice. Ignoring your gut feelings can lead to greater regret and unhappiness down the line.” Being honest with yourself about your feelings is a powerful step toward ensuring your future happiness.

Calling off an engagement is a brave decision, and it’s one that requires immense strength. Relationship coach and author Charreah K. Jackson highlights the importance of self-care and self-preservation in making this choice. In her book, Boss Bride: The Powerful Woman’s Playbook for Love and Success, she writes, “You deserve a relationship that uplifts and supports you. If your engagement is causing stress, anxiety, or unhappiness, it’s okay to take a step back and reassess. Your mental and emotional health should always come first.”

For Black women and men, this decision can be particularly daunting due to the added layers of societal expectations and the desire to avoid perpetuating stereotypes about unstable relationships. However, it’s essential to remember that prioritizing your happiness and well-being is not a failure—it’s an act of self-love and empowerment.

Seeking Support and Moving Forward

Ending an engagement doesn’t mean you’re alone in this journey. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist who understands your cultural background and can provide the guidance you need. Licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Ebony Butler underscores the importance of community support in a recent interview: “Having a strong support system can make all the difference. Surround yourself with people who affirm your decision and remind you of your worth.”

Moving forward after calling off an engagement can be challenging, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Take the time to heal, reflect, and rediscover who you are outside of the relationship. Engage in activities that bring you joy, pursue your passions, and focus on building a life that makes you happy.

In the end, calling off an engagement when you’re in a toxic relationship or filled with uncertainty is a courageous and empowering decision. It’s a step toward a healthier, happier future where you can thrive and find the love and support you truly deserve. Remember, it’s okay to put yourself first and prioritize your well-being. As you navigate this journey, know that you’re not alone and that there is a brighter future waiting for you on the other side.

In the words of Dr. Bryant-Davis, “Choosing yourself is not a betrayal of anyone else; it’s an act of radical self-care and love. You deserve a relationship that honors and respects you in every way.”

So, if you find yourself questioning your engagement, take a deep breath, trust your instincts, and remember that calling it off might just be the best thing you can do for yourself. Your happiness and peace of mind are worth it.