Being vulnerable with someone new after heartbreak is never easy, but you deserve love — self-love, platonic, and romantic. Breakups are often difficult to process, especially when you’ve been with someone for years. Watching the ladies of #SistasOnBET process their emotions after their relationships fell apart is a feeling I know all too well. Seeing the pain on Karen’s face when she realized things were done with Zach for good was something I could totally relate to. Most of us have been there, in pain after you’ve put your all into a relationship that fell apart. But after the dust settles, you have to keep going because life will pass you by, especially if you spend your time holding on to memories of a broken relationship (that was probably not as good as you thought it was from the beginning.)
After relationships fail, it’s easy to blame ourselves for the end result, to often close off and refuse to open up to anyone, but that won’t get you anywhere. Sure, you won’t experience pain, but you also remove any opportunity for the love you’ve wanted to find its way to you. Once you feel safe enough in yourself to explore the dating pool again, consider these suggestions that have helped me to remain open to love.
Find a Therapist
Know That Love is a Risk
After my last relationship ended, one of my best friends gave me this advice about dating and I’ll never forget it, “When you’re ready to try again, remember this – love is a contact sport, you gone get hurt out here.” At first, I thought “What?!” lol but he was right. There are no guarantees that when you open yourself up to love, it’s truly a risk and you have to make peace with that. Going into dating thinking the first person you meet has to be the one (I know it happens, but just in case it doesn’t!) or you’re giving up on love altogether sets you up for failure before you’ve started. Be open to trying, and trying again, and trying again. Never let any experience change your perspective on love and remember that the right person for you is out there.
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Don’t Self-Sabotage
In hindsight, there were so many times in dating that I was closed off to men, especially after being out of the dating scene for a while. If you’re coming off the heels of a bad breakup, chances are your ability to trust and make wise decisions when selecting a new partner might need some work (which is therapy is crucial.) When you’ve been exposed to high levels of dysfunction in relationships, a healthy relationship can seem uncomfortable and if we’re honest – boring. But you have to push past that voice in your head that tells you “this is too good to be true” especially if you’ve received signs from your new partner that this relationship is headed in the right direction.
Remember You’re Worthy
The older I get, the more surprised I am at how many people doubt their level of worthiness and I often wonder where it comes from? How can a group of people that are so resilient, magical, and excellent allow unworthiness to seep into our systems? We know that this feeling doesn’t belong to us, but as a people that’s been oppressed, this is what we’ve been taught to believe by society — and I challenge you to return those thoughts to sender. You are worthy, even if you grew up in a neighborhood where you never saw fathers present. You are worthy, even if your parents didn’t stay together. You are worthy even if you’re divorced. You are worthy even if you just lost someone you loved deeply. Stay open and remember these suggestions, the right person is out there waiting for someone just like you.
Tune in to Tyler Perry’s “Sistas” on Wednesdays at 9/8c on BET.
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