You’re Married Until You’re NOT Married
by Courtney Williams



August 25, 2019


7 Minute Read


You’re Married Until You’re NOT Married

Contributor Courtney Williams shares how the latest episode of “Black Love” was a reflection of the darkest time in her marriage. Find out how she and her husband pushed through the storm to find their way back to happiness!

While tuning in, I experienced an array of emotions – from cheesing super big while the couples talked about how they met, to crying as they shared their hard times. I nodded my head in agreement the whole episode, like “Yep, I’ve been there.”

This episode, perfectly titled “Emerging from Darkness,” was so powerful because it’s the point in the season where the couples are completely transparent and vulnerable about the not-so-easy times in marriage. They open up and share some of the darkest moments in their relationships, from addictions to infidelity, depression, and really bad fights.

My husband and I can totally relate to not knowing how to communicate during arguments, but before I get into the details, let me tell y’all a little bit about the beginning of our relationship. 

But, then we got married and QUICKLY realized the day-to-day work in marriage is no joke. Once the honeymoon stage is over and you say “I do,” it gets real.

I’ll admit, I had a few naïve beliefs when we first got married. My husband Bryan and I were long distance all the way up until the week we got married. Crazy right? We went from seeing each other maybe one or two times a month to being together every day, in what felt like overnight. Back when we only saw each other a couple times a month, it felt like the first time all over again every time we got together. I had butterflies in my stomach, went to get my makeup done, and of course, I always had a new outfit! (Haha!) It was exciting and something new every time we met up. We were just so in love, having a blast, traveling, going out to eat all the time, and living it up at professional sporting games. I naively thought, “Man, married life with this guy is going to be a breeze!” But then we got married and QUICKLY realized the day-to-day work in marriage is no joke. Once the honeymoon stage is over and you say “I do,” it gets real. 

When we got married, we were both were working every day, trying to blend a family, and planning our big wedding since we made it official at the courthouse. Oh and let me not forget to mention, I got pregnant six months after getting married. Whew! We had A LOT on our plate as newlyweds, and it was a pretty stressful first year.

Related: There’s No Such Thing as the Perfect Love Story

When we started seeing each other every day, we also started to see sides of each other that we didn’t know existed. Especially when it came to conflict, things could get very heated, very quickly…which was new for us. There was a lot of sleeping in separate rooms and going days without speaking – just a lot of immature and petty stuff going on.

Mattie and Chris

We both started to wonder if we made the right decision or if we married the wrong person. Like Mattie and Chris talked about…love is one thing, you can love a person all day…but do you really like them? That was another “so true” moment while watching episode three. I never once questioned my love for Bryan, but there were plenty of times I know neither one of us liked each other. 

We had a turning point when we realized, regardless of the hard times, WE ARE STILL MARRIED. Michael Elliot summed it up perfectly when he said, “You’re married until you’re NOT married.” In the episode, he shared how he and his wife Mecca were super close to divorce, however he hopped on a plane to be by her side after finding out that her aunt had died. That showed the love was still there and you only do something like that for someone you truly care for. I can relate because I know the love my husband and I have for each other is what made us show up for each other every day and at least want to try to fight for our marriage.It wasn’t until we were like, “Okay, we can walk around here mad and not talk, or we can sit down and work this stuff out.” It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but we got better with each argument. We went from throwing things and saying extremely hurtful stuff to one another, to being mature enough to say, let’s address this later when emotions aren’t so high. 

Now, here we are almost four years of marriage later, and we’ve found our joy again. Looking back, I’m so grateful we didn’t quit when we wanted to. Hearing about what some of these couples have gone through, and seeing that they’re now on the other side of it, shows that with hard work you can save your marriage, even if you’ve gone through some unthinkable situations.

Related: Communication 101: Learning How to Fight Fair

When Ricky Bell said, “There’s this false belief that when you get married and fall in love, the love that you have for each other will be enough to sustain the marriage,” I thought, that’s SO true! No couple is perfect and we all go through ups and downs. I’m just grateful to know that we aren’t alone in those struggles.

Thank you, Black Love!

Be sure to tune in to Black Love on Saturdays at 9/8c on OWN! Also, binge watch seasons 1 and 2 on Amazon and Urban Movie Channel.