When’s the last time you and your spouse went on a date, or let alone, created your own date night at home?
If there was an MVP award for married couples who still date each other, Kevin and Yah Hughes (married 15 years) would win just off creativity alone. Despite having children and living busy lives, they still set aside time for date night…52 dates to be exact — one every week for the last year with each spouse alternating as the date planner.
From dates as simple as watching the sunrise or going for a walk, to creating their own version of “Dîner en Blanc,” there was no limit to Kevin and Yah’s creativity.
Black Love: Why is date night so important for you two personally?
Kevin: It gives me the opportunity to connect with my wife. It’s about being intentional and in tune with my wife in every way. When you’re married, you’re so focused on everything that comes with the responsibilities of marriage and the family as a whole. So, date night is absolutely important because it gives us time to focus on each other.
Yah: It’s an opportunity for us to check-in and learn more about each other. A lot of times you know your spouse, but you grow and evolve. By having different experiences with your spouse, you learn something new about them.
When it comes to prioritizing date night
BL: How do you prioritize date night when you’re married with young children?
Yah & Kevin:
- Communicate and teach your children what the standard is in your home.
- Create boundaries and guidelines.
- Be a united front.
- Anticipate and prepare for their needs (i.e., bath time, snacks, babysitter, etc.)
- Be committed — no compromise. Tell the kids, “we’re not changing it for you or anybody else.”
- Schedule it regularly.
- Add it into your budget.
- Get the kids involved if and when it makes sense (i.e., taking pictures).
Black Love: Out of all of the dates, what were some of your favorites?
Kevin: “Dîner en Blanc.” I took that idea and brought it to our backyard. I decorated the tables, we dressed up in white, and I cooked dinner. My favorite one that Yah planned was “Iron Chef” (inspired by one of our favorite shows). We printed out logos, put on aprons, and had the kids taste and vote on the best dishes. It gave us the opportunity to share the kitchen together even though we were “competing” against each other.
Yah: My favorite night was disco club night. Kevin ordered a disco light, created a playlist, club name, and a sign (Club Lex). We dressed up like it was the 70’s, and we danced all night! The spa night was also one of my favorites. We ordered a spa table, purchased some aromatherapy lotions, and played “spa music.” I also picked up some stones from a local craft store and heated them up in a crockpot. We had one rule that night: whatever was done to you during the massage, you had to practice restraint and allow the massage to continue. So, it added another layer of intimacy and sensuality.
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Black Love: What resources helped you come up with the ideas?
Kevin: This is what I loved about quarantine dating — it gave me the opportunity to think outside of the box and be creative. I went on Pinterest and YouTube a lot for inspiration. For example, I used a scene from a coffee shop and projected it on the side of the wall to set the atmosphere.
Yah: Yes, he knows that I love coffee shops, so one night he created a mini bistro and served up different coffees and pastries. I didn’t even know he knew about Pinterest (LOL).
Black Love: Growing up, did you have a blueprint or role models that showed you what “dating while married” looked like?
Kevin: I was raised by my grandparents. So, I saw them go to work, interact at dinner, and that was it. I didn’t see “dating” at all, let alone the experience of dating. This was something we decided that we wanted to do and create for ourselves.
Yah: I didn’t come from a two-parent household. I didn’t see my mom and aunts being catered to and I also didn’t see the men going out of their way to do things for their women. They didn’t even say the word “date.” So, for us it was about creating what we wanted and what felt good for us.
Black Love: Besides obvious life obligations and responsibilities, why do you think some spouses aren’t as open or intentional about date nights?
Kevin: Because it’s convenient and easy. Sometimes, it’s hard to get out of the monotony especially if that’s all you know. It’s difficult to think outside of the box, but once you try something different, it gets easier.
Black Love: For people who struggle in this area and feel like they can’t be as creative, what would you say to help motivate them?
Kevin: Start with what you know and make it your own. For instance, start with a staple idea like dinner, but find a way to be creative with it. Think about what you can do to make it extra special. Don’t be afraid to ask someone for help or use resources like I did.
Yah: Be committed to dating your spouse in whatever capacity that looks like for you. For us, date night is weekly and we go away every quarter (locally or out of the state). You, however, may start out doing date night monthly. Just do what you can. It adds so much value to other areas of your marriage and your life.
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.
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