Black Love Summit 2021 was beneficial for married couples and singles preparing for marriage. Essential conversations were held where the panel and hosts and Co-Founders Tommy and Codie Oliver shared details of their marriage and answered questions directed towards improving Black love. I live on the East Coast, so attending the live stream was awesome! Although I was not physically present, the information shared reached me personally, and I felt like I was there. Each panel discussed different topics ranging from finances to sex, and grief to therapy. The transparency from each couple served as an eye-opener for me in ways that my husband and I can make improvements in our own marriage. Here’s why each panel stood out to me and my husband.
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Money, Money, Money Panel
The first panel featuring Kita and Joe expounded on the importance of discussing finances with your partner. Establishing whether you and your partner will have separate bank accounts or a joint account is something a lot of couples do not discuss because trust can be a hard thing to just give in the beginning. Acknowledging childhood trauma can also serve as an effective way to handle finances with your partner. For example, you may have grown up watching your mom struggle to pay all the bills, teaching you to be an independent woman. Whereas your partner may have grown up seeing the man of the house provide and pay all of the bills. This could create a clash within the marriage, requiring certain behaviors to be unlearned. This is why seeking therapy is important. Preparation and investing your money is actually better than just saving your money. Teaching your children about finances and how to handle their money as they grow older is also an important aspect of marriage.
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The Husbands’ Panel
My husband and I watched the Husband’s Panel together so that I can get his perspective. It was facilitated by Tommy Oliver and consisted of four other notable husbands: Warryn Campbell, Neil Brown Jr., Michael Jai White, and Major. They each discussed their relationships and the different paths they took to achieve successful marriages. The story that my husband gravitated to the most was that of Michael Jai White’s. What he took from that was that there is nothing wrong with your spouse being your best friend. A lot of times, men make marriages seem like prison. While speaking with other married men, my husband often found that the majority of men speak about marriage in a way that doesn’t sound happy or fulfilling. He could never relate. It is actually okay to admit that you like spending time with your wife. My husband enjoyed hearing that different perspective for a change. He also agreed with Warryn Campbell, who admitted that he understood very little about what it took to become a husband before marriage. He wasn’t aware of how much compromise and work it would take. Much like Neil Brown Jr. and Michael Jai White’s story, my husband and I have known each other for a long time. We met about 15 years ago and dealt with each other on and off. We both experienced terrible relationships before reconnecting. My husband absolutely agrees with their stance that in order to have a successful relationship, you have to go through some trials. They mentioned having to walk the tightrope without the net. They also stated that an important part of marriage is being able to be yourself and being vulnerable. Tommy made a great point that also stuck out to my husband. He stated, “If you hide your flaws, you deny your spouse of loving who you are.” Overall, it was interesting to see how husbands, who each have different experiences and come from different walks of life have the same views and give the same marital advice.
The Wives’ Panel
My absolute favorite portion of Black Love Summit 2021 was the Wives’ Panel. Facilitated by Codie Oliver and consisting of Erica Campbell, Gillian White, and Shireen Kuykendoll, they all shared their experiences with their husbands. They spoke about how they balance their career with house duties, wife duties and motherhood. This discussion spoke directly to me because I am struggling with this now. As a mother of 5 who works from home, I find it challenging, juggling the many hats that I wear. Seeing my husband being able to go to work, come home for a nap, wake up and go to the gym, makes me jealous at times. I am always home with the children and keeping the house afloat. Erica Campbell explained how as wives, we tend to take on the role of superwoman. We take on so many responsibilities and often don’t allow our bodies to rest. Shireen mentioned how asking your partner for help is okay. She shared how she makes plans and approaches situations just as her husband does. This makes planning alone time and girl time much easier for her. Having a partner who helps you when you ask for help is everything. Gillian also shared her experience with having a blended family and bringing her and her husband’s children together. I also related to this because my husband and I also have a blended family. Getting our children together; making sure they mesh was a task in itself. I absolutely loved the conversation that the ladies had about arguing with your spouse. I definitely relate more to Erica and Codie. I am the one who usually holds on to the argument and drags out my attitude. My husband is typically the one who apologizes first. I need to work more on getting rid of my ego and putting my pride to the side like Gillian and Shireen suggested. I also realized that I am also not the only wife that thinks that my husband is able to read my mind. The wives’ panel was so interesting and the ladies were all so relatable. Their transparency encouraged me and let me know that the hard work that my husband and I have put in, will pay off.
Black Love Summit 2021 taught me so much — it’s okay to be your partner’s best friend, communicate with your partner at all times (especially during the hard times), seek therapy, and constantly work on yourself. I will continue to use these points to improve myself and my marriage.
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