However, I’ve had to redefine it based on what I’ve seen and experienced over the years. Perhaps it’s not so much that the man should love the woman more in the relationship overall, especially since love in any long-term relationship ebbs and flows. But maybe the old wives’ tale should be revised to say, “During the beginning of a relationship, it’s important for the man to like and pursue the woman more than she does him.”
This adage came to mind as I watched the season premiere of Black Love entitled “In the Beginning.”
I listened intently as each couple traveled down memory lane and shared how they started dating. One element that seemed to remain constant to me was the level of effort and admiration early on that came predominantly from the men.
“I said, you know what, Toya, I’m really going to pursue you, and when I said that, I knew that, really, what I wanted to say is…Toya, you’re going to be my wife.” That is how we are introduced to Tommicus, as he talks about his feelings of his wife LeToya, when they started dating.
Related: Meet the Couples of ‘Black Love’ Season 3: Tommicus & LeToya
And he wasn’t the only husband who knew, very quickly, that he was going to go after what he wanted and that he would be the one putting in the work.
“The first day of junior year, U.S. History, Mrs. Chapman’s class, I saw her,” Kevin recalled of seeing his wife Melissa for the first time in high school. “She wasn’t paying me no mind, which is understandable. I can work for it.”
Terry remembered seeing his wife Rebecca for the first time and thinking, “Now that’s a woman.” Rebecca recalled Terry explaining that he had to have her in his life. When she asked how, “He looks at me, and he goes, I want to marry you.” She continued, “And I said, I think you should.” Terry’s reaction. “That’s real.”
Each story, though unique in their own way, highlighted how eager the men were about their wives from the very beginning. It seemed like the more excited the man was about the woman he attempted to pursue, the more likely the relationship was to lead toward marriage.