Bell Hooks mentions in her book “All About Love” how most of us had functionally dysfunctional upbringings, and that is what I’m a product of. I was conditioned to believe that as long as bills are paid, and food is in the belly of those who you love, then you’ve checked off the manhood box. I’ve also been led to believe that integrity can be leaning into temptation as long as you don’t get caught.
Much like episode 2 of “Men’s Round Table,” available on the Black Love+ app, I can say “Manhood and Partnership” show up in my life daily, and sometimes, I question if I’m doing them correctly. With safety and security being at the forefront, I struggle at times to balance my goals versus OUR goals. The state of mind I was conditioned to believe was the key to manhood proved to be harmful because once I began to pursue partnership during adulthood, I never took the time to define what integrity meant for me. I engaged in trauma-bonding situations because of the reliability and familiarity. Failed relationship after the next, I developed imposter syndrome towards genuine love because I did not feel deserving of it.
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Most men were taught that emotions equate to weakness, yet these men share how being vulnerable with their partners makes them feel empowered. Safety and security are key ingredients to helping a partnership flourish. We’re at a place in society where women are getting to the bag, so although financial support can be a key factor, the capacity for emotional and mental support is paramount.
Leading with your wallet for a monetary fix can backfire if your partner really just needs a listening ear. It can be challenging because, as men, our egos are attached to our finances, so imposter syndrome can convince a man that he’s not deserving of genuine romantic love when it finds him unexpectedly if his bank account isn’t where he thinks it should be. This conversation made it evident that once you decide what manhood looks like for you and swap out insecurity with the worthiness of love, it will only set you up for success moving forward.”
Episode 5 positively impacted me because I was able to see men in healthy partnerships speak about the reward that comes from being vulnerable in an intimate relationship. I also really enjoyed how they broke down the misconceptions about manhood and how it could look different for everyone. Our egos try to convince us that financial stability solves all problems, but holding space for mental and emotional stability is also paramount. Deciding what type of man that I am has helped me in my partnership. I’m truly grateful for all of the knowledge that this conversation embodies.”
Season 2 of Men’s Round Table is available on the Black Love+ app and YouTube.
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