I walked into The YOU Retreat not knowing what to expect but with a strong feeling that I needed to be there. I walked out of The YOU Retreat with more than I could’ve asked for or imagined. To me, the retreat felt like church (I hardly think it’s a coincidence that it took place on a Sunday). Each conversation, though varied in topic, was all filled with spirituality, and I often gave the speakers an “amen” or a “that’s good,” the same as I would if I was in a church service listening to a sermon. There is no doubt in my mind that God was in the room at the DTLA venue, and my being there was by His design. While it is only April, this year has started out rocky for me. I’ve experienced some highs, but in the grand scheme of being a full-time freelance writer, it has been a devastatingly slow start to the year. As a result, I have found myself wondering if I made the right decision stepping away from the comforts of a corporate job and choosing to chase my dreams. I have found myself doubting what I heard God say to me back in 2020 and panicking to try and figure things out often without consulting Him at all. With all of that on my mind, this retreat, and even more specifically, Codie Elaine Oliver and Susan Kelechi Watson’s conversation on being “Unapologetically Us,” was right on time for me.
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The discussion was rooted in what it looks like for Black women to have pride in every aspect of who we are. To affirm our Blackness and show up just as we are in every space that we occupy, even when it ain’t easy. As someone who grew up in majority Black spaces but then went to college at a predominantly white institution, the culture shock and adjustment to being the “other” was something that I was not always ready for. And while I do think my college experience left me well prepared for the world I would be stepping into as an adult, I also remember the times when I had to stifle my Blackness for the comfort of others, and I strive not to do that today.
During their conversation, Codie and Susan also helped me to shift my mindset into being more appreciative of this time in my life rather than taking it for granted. “It’s a really blessed time if you use it,” a sentiment they both shared when discussing the moments where you aren’t at your best when you feel like you’re in a dark space and how that darkness can be a blessing in disguise to work on parts of yourself. Rather than being down about not being where I think I’m supposed to be by now, I should be focusing on developing habits that will sustain me when I do reach my goals. Habits such as good financial practices, self-care, including my physical health, setting boundaries and keeping them in place, and maintaining a constant prayer life. Right now, in this slow season that I’ve found myself in, is the perfect time to develop these habits so that they become a lifestyle. Doing so will only set me up for better success when the breakthrough comes, and I make it to the level I’ve been striving so hard to get to.
When discussing if there was ever a time when she wondered if she’d get to where she wanted to be professionally, Susan talked about being so sure of her dreams when she first came out of graduate school. She knew she had the talent and that acting was her purpose, but her big break wasn’t there waiting on her right away. “Sometimes we can hold onto something so tight that we think it’s supposed to happen a certain way. Letting go frees us from holding on to how. Because sometimes you just need to know the is. It is going to happen. How? I don’t know.” That resonated so much with me in this season of life that I’m currently in, I instantly realized that I have been out of touch spiritually. I needed to get back in alignment with God’s plan for me and get back to working toward the is and letting Him handle the how.
Another point of focus for me was on the topic of value. As someone who once measured my value on being a person others could always count on (especially financially) even if it was a detriment to myself, I now find myself in the reverse position. I am having to ask for help in areas of my life that I have always been so independent in. Being in this position has, at times, made me feel needy and less valuable than I once was. “Whether in the dark or in the light, our value doesn’t change. It is my decision to know it or not.” Hearing those words from Susan, I decided right there at that moment to know it, to know my value, and to not let negative thoughts of “I used to have it all together” or “I don’t want to be a burden” shame me out of it. I have also in recent times, come to realize the value in asking for help. As I already stated, I am very independent, sometimes to a fault. I hate to admit to needing help, let alone asking for it. This past year I have reached out and asked for help more times than I have in my entire life. And to my surprise, people have always been willing to help however they could and have come through for me in ways that I can’t thank them enough for. When Codie hit us with the revelation, “You can have it all, but you can’t do it all”, I almost stood up and put a praise on it!
The service, I mean The YOU Retreat, came to a close with Susan delivering the benediction, “God is not a God of confusion. Everything is working for my good.” Amen somebody! If the fear of failure had sent me spinning into the abyss of self-doubt, The YOU Retreat scooped me up, wrapped me in her arms, held me tight, and gave me permission to pause for a moment and breathe. I left feeling more empowered and less afraid to continue to go after the life I want rather than letting fear chase me back into what’s familiar. And in the spirit of being unapologetically me, I will work to be sure that I always show up fully and authentically and that the work that I put into the world will also be a reflection of that. In doing so, I will hopefully help to give other women the opportunity to do the same. As Codie so wisely stated, “Bring everything you have to it, and it can become bigger.”
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